Saturday, May 17, 2008

My Comedy Drama

Tuesday I was up in North Lake Tahoe where I turned in a hour long performance where I kept the drunks at bay and the others laughing.
Wednesday I was in my least favorite club, Tommy T's performing on the bill at a friends request where I made fun of two guys for twenty minuets by implying their worse fears; they were gay.
Thursday afternoon I did a private gig at a tech company in Sunnyvale where I mostly talked to the crowd by asking them what their Indian names meant.
Friday I was at the Clubhouse in San Francisco where five very drunk guys who apparently came to see me just yelled stupid shit and I fired back only to learn after the show that one of the guys was indeed a regular reader of my blog.
Saturday- I take a breath.
I think I have to make some creative choices tied with some marketing decisions. In all of these shows, I got the gigs for what I do best; Riffing.
Riffing is the art of working the room or talking to the crowd. You know. I can write a joke, but what I am known for is Riffing. On private and corporate gigs, no skill comes in more handy when it's not exactly what you thought it was going to be or something happens. At a club, Riffing can light up a room like nothing else. It's what I am best at and it is something I really love to do. On my site, I have clips of me riffing away on stage. The favorite seems to be the one where I brought a guy on stage who wanted to rip on me. Needless to say, it didn't work out for him the way he thought it would. People see that, come to my shows and then yell shit out so they to can be a part of it. But the thing is, I want to pick when I do that. I don't want people showing up and trying to jump in so I can go off on them. So do I take those clips down and work on more jokes, or what?
Last night at the clubhouse in San Francisco, 5 guys were falling over drunk. We had some fun going back and forth. I really want to get more of what I think out there though. Eventually, it just bugged me. After the show, true to form, they came up to me to shake my hand and say they were fans. Now when people say they are fans you think, thanks. In this case I was thinking, why do I have drunk frat boys as fans? I am everything opposed to them. Well, one of the guys was a regular reader of the blog. Damn! He quoted some things from it and told me the clip of the guy on stage with me was cool. Now I feel weird. On the one hand, this is what I want; fans! On the other hand, my own web site is encouraging the sort of behavior that is not conducive for performing well written, thought out pieces on politics and religion.
This has happened a few times now. No other moment was like this one though. These guys were so obviously fans and so drunk at the same time. I just wanted them to leave so I could go watch Battlestar Galactica. I felt strange feeling that because this is what a comic works for, a little recognition. Eventually I meet the rest of the water polo team. Yeah. Water polo team. They are that nice jovial brand of drunk at the moment too. I sorta miss that. Course, I have no illusion that me drinking is nothing like how they drink. They want me to come with them and there is nothing less that I want to do. A few other comics are hanging around enjoying the spectacle and my obvious discomfort. Crap! Only I could turn this into a poor me situation. A victim of success? I don't know. If I put Riffing out there then that is what people will want to see obviously. I can't get mad at them for that.
All in all it is a better class of problem to have than I deserve.

Friday, May 16, 2008

And now...the News

I will miss George Bush when he is gone. The man is a walking punch line. A gold mine of jokes where all you have to do is just tell a crowd what he said. I feel no guilt beating up a President with a lower public approval rating than Nixon had. The man is damaged and we got fucked.
Compassionate conservative? In his latest interview he said he showed solidarity with the families of killed U.S. Troops by no longer playing golf.
Wow! What a sacrifice Mr. President! I heard for lent he gave up the Bill of Rights.
Could you possibly sound like more of an unsympathetic, out of touch rich Dude than to say giving up Golf is some how on the same scale as a person being killed? Bush is not very good when it comes to comparisons. When he went to Israel this week, he told their government that anyone who wants to sit down and talk with Israel's enemy's would be like Nazi appeasers. Robert Gates, the current Secretary of Defense that Bush appointed, must be a big let down to him then. He said only last week that we should try to talk with Iran. Besides, selling stuff to the Nazis was where ol' Grandpa Bush made most of his money.
Bush also said he is looking forward to e-mailing again once he leaves the White House. Apparently, the commander in Chief said he doesn't like people reading his e-mail. You see as President, e-mail is considered a document. It is retained and catalogued like papers. Not Bush. He doesn't like the invasion of privacy. Hmmm. Seems strange for a guy that instituted the biggest eavesdropping operation in American history to be worried about a little thing like Privacy now?
Ah Bush. I will miss you in all your retarded rambling right wing born again crazy utterances. You were bad for the Country but you were gold for this comic. Thanks for the Punch Lines and now please run along and let the adults clean up your mess.

Clinton marches on!
She has borrowed 11 million dollars from herself to continue. Obama has raised most of his money from donations of $25.00 or less over the Internet. Think about this for a second. With all the clout her name gives her and all the lobbyist money that originally flowed into her war chest, she has fallen so far short of the financial demands of running for office that she now has to continue just to pay herself back!
Even if Clinton is given 50% of the disputed delegates from Florida and Michigan, she will still be behind Obama.
She agreed and signed a pledge with the Democratic National Party to not put her name on the ballot in those two states. Then, she went ahead and did it anyway. Obama did not.
Afterwards, she said she understood those delegates would not be counted for breaking the rules and moving their primaries up early. Then, after all that she began to slip in the polls to Obama and suddenly she thinks those votes should be counted too!
If health care is her big issue, won't someone please ask her why she voted in favor of the new bankruptcy law written by the credit card companies? As a big proponent of health care for all, Clinton knows that 50% of all bankruptcies in America are a direct result of unexpected health care bills not covered by insurance.
Any country that is going to hand the highest office in the land back and forth between two families over a 20 year period is not a country that can rightfully call it's self a democracy. Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush and now Clinton again? Come on America! grow a back bone and actually vote for change for a change!

John McCain. I sorta feel sorry for the guy. Sorta. There is just no way he can be elected President. Too many people in places you would not normally think of as voting Democrat are just way too mad at what they see as the Republicans fucking everything up to vote Republican this time around. So what do the republicans hit front runner Obama over the head with? He wants to talk to the terrorists! Well, you have to admit that bombing them and 5 years of war in Iraq hasn't really accomplished anything. Why not talk?

Over and over the republicans, including McCain tell the press that Obama would sit down and talk with terrorist groups such as Hammas. There are a few problems with this starting with the fact that Obama has never said this. But you know who did? John McCain in 2006 did. Yeah. When asked if America should sit down and talk with Hammas, McCain said, sure. If they are elected. Well, guess what? Hammas won a majority of seats in Lebanon making them the democratically elected ruling party. Bush's response after an ellection was held in a middle east -something we were fighting for- "Were not going to talk with them."
So not only does McCain look like a moron now, but this is just another one of those things that the typical American has forgotten but is a huge deal to that part of the world. To them, they look at this situation and say, You wanted us to have elections, we did. Hammas won and now you decide the wrong people won. America, you are a hypocrite!
Once again, this is the situation that experience has put us in.

Last but not least. There is a lot of talk lately about Israels security and will Obama be the defender of Israel that every other president in the history of Israel has been. Well, who knows really? But I do know this. In 2006 Clinton and McCain both voted to sell Saudi Arabia 10 Billion dollars worth of advanced American military hardware. Considering that 15 of the 19 Hijackers on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Saudi Arabia fails to recognize the right of Israel to exist, I don't know that McCain cares all that much for Israel or Americas security. Why the hell would we sell them such advanced military hardware and still have to pay these rising oil prices? That's the question that people should be asking? or better yet, are we just playing both sides of the middle east? We are the defender of Israel but we sell military hardware to one of their biggest foe's. Maybe we should let Obama sit down and talk. believe me, it will cause much less destruction than those weapons have the potential to do. And who wanted the sale? George Bush & Company.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Night at the Museum
Won't read it

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I Just read that a couple boarding a flight in Canada left their baby at the airport.
On behalf of every airline passenger ever I just want to say, Bravo! Give them a medal!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Winchester Mystery Life

I went to the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose this weekend with two friends. You ever been? Apparently old lady Winchester was told by a spiritualist to move out west and never stop building a house. This would be the only way to appease all the spirits killed by her husbands invention, the Winchester Repeating Riffle. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, that's what she did.
Stairs lead to no where, cupboards open onto walls, windows over look bathrooms, it's all kinds of fun. With stuff just haphazardly added on to the house and stuff going off in all directions, I feel as if I am leading the Winchester Mystery Life. Course, no one told me to move out west and perform comedy to appease the spirits of all the jokes that died, but that's what it feels like some days.
Oh, and old lady Winchester was crazy rich. I am pour. There will be no tour of my apartment when I pass on. Well, there might be, but I doubt the gift shop will be have anything anyone will want to buy.
If life is one big tour. Maybe we don't end up in Heaven at all. Maybe we just end up in some vast gift shop. That would be a surprise no one saw coming!
I lived on earth and all I got was this T-shirt.
Mugs with a photo of your most embarrassing moment on it. Yup, that's Mom opening the bathroom door catching me masturbating! Giant size pencils and posters with Kittens and glib sayings. You have to have those. Every gift shop I have ever been in has those for some reason. You know what I mean. A kitten hanging off a branch and the words, Hang In there at the bottom. At the Winchester gift shop, they had a strange collection of posters that included Scarface. Yeah. Scarface!
"What did you kids get to remember your tour of the Mystery House?"
"A poster of Scarface on a one hundred dollar bill!"
And of course, no gift shop would be complete without the machine that stretches a penny into some oblong shape for 50 cents. Instead of an emblem of the Mystery House stamped in it, it would just be a your name and the date you left Earth. How about this for a poster in life's gift shop; a map of the Earth with a dot on your home and at the bottom of the map it would say, you were here. That would be a very popular item I think. You could hang it in the bed room of whatever next existence there is. If there are bedrooms. Who knows.
It will probably just be like most tours that end in a gift shop. You will walk into it, stroll around for a few minuets and think, what a bunch of crap! Frankly, that's what I say about life most days now. When I was a kid and I would walk around a gift shop I would only be upset if I couldn't find a license plate with my name on it.
That's all ghosts and hauntings are; people taking a tour of their previous life. I can totally see that! Their not knocking things over to communicate with the living. There picking stuff up in the gift shop, realizing it's crap and throwing it back down.