Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Hilliary Clinton won Kentucky in a landslide vote yesterday. Before she gets excited about still trailing Obama, take a good look at this win. You know how she continually tells the national press that she leads in white votes? Well, 25% of the people polled after they voted in Kentucky said race was a deciding factor in their vote. You can read that any way you want, but to me it says, "I am not voting for a black guy."
Obama won in Oregon yesterday too. Black people make up a little over 1% of the population there. So what have we learned kids? We have learned that people in the southern states have a hard time voting for a black guy. Surprise! Yet Hilliary sees this as the ability to build a broader collation than Obama. That's great. She can bring together the people who want change and still hate black people. Nice job Hilliary!
A quarter of the people who were asked if race was a determining factor in who they voted for in the Democratic primary said yes. 25% said race was so important that they voted for the white person. I can't be sure, but I think that is the very definition of racism.
Oh Kentucky. You do not disappoint. She won a state that has a museum with dinosaurs walking around the garden of Eden! Great! You have demonstrated that you can win a majority of the ignorant racists. Congratulations.
One of the under reported stories in all this is the racism being encountered by Obama's campaigners. Stories abound of hang up phone calls where the N word is yelled, doors are slammed in peoples faces where the N word is yelled, signs torn down and the N word left behind in spray painted letters. I am guessing that the number of people they have encountered who are openly hostile to the thought of a black man as President is probably something like, oh I don't know, 25%!
It is pretty amazing to me as a I sit here in San Francisco that people would feel comfortable enough to tell a stranger that they are not going to vote for someone because they are black. Yet a quarter of the people did just that. The Clinton campaign has had no problems screaming sexism when they thought they had a case, but when racism is working for them, they are strangely silent.
You have to remember that Hilliary had every advantage a person could have going into this election. They set up the campaign they wanted from day one. Rather than make a graceful exit or endorse the party member with the most delegates, she wants to drag this thing out because she was suppose to be the next President. We don't have time for this. Every strategist in the Democratic party will tell you that we need to start taking on McCain today. Fighting among ourselves is not a solution to any of the issues that matter to all Democrats. Can we just agree that the person with the most votes wins and be done with this? The only way Hillilary can win at this point is to make a back room deal with the super delegates. In other words, over turn the will of the popular vote. Even if you give her 50% of the disputed delagates from the two states who broke the rules of the party and were told years in advance that their delagtes would not be counted, even if you do that-she still will be behind Obama.
Case closed. Move on.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Stuff Going on

Look for me this Thursday on Last Comic Standing. I should be on for a little under three minuets. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know how it ended.
Next Tuesday I will be auditioning for the Craig Ferguson show. Cross your fingers for me please. It took forever just to get to this point with them.
memorial day weekend I will be down at the Punchline in San Francisco for Sunday nights showcase and then Monday for an experimental show with Doug Benson, Will Durst, W. Kamau Bell and me. None of us really know what creator, Jimmy Gunn has planed for us, but it should be an amusing train wreck if nothing else.
Alright, that's all the news that goes by my name. What's yours?
Dear Ghost,
This is for an audience of one. I will not throw pieces of my heart at your feet again like dice. What was once tender and sweet turned into a sour and scalding thing in my chest. You do the work this time if you want any communication. Do not leave messages that only I would understand on old posts.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Aliens Are Welcome at the Vatican

Good news everyone, believing in extra-terrestrials is not inconsistent with christian beliefs!
It's true. The Vatican's chief Astronomer and a Reverend announced this in an interview for an Italian paper recently.
In fact, he said nothing in the Bible precludes God having created other worlds and other beings to live on those worlds. He suggests that we think of them as Brothers and Sisters. Oh yeah. I'm sure the people who give dirty looks to anyone in a head scarf will think of the saucer people as friends. Something about the last 2,000 years of history leads me to think that there might be some problems for anyone showing up from another planet. I mean, come on! We can't get along with people from other parts of our world with different beliefs. Do you really think were gonna be cool with some advance race who crossed the stars only to find out that we still cling to our primitive myths while possessing the technology to kill each other in huge numbers over those beliefs?
Thank God the Vatican announced something important. You know, something that might prevent wars or allow people to not feel guilty about. At least they didn't take 400 plus years to get around to this like they did with letting Galileo off the hook. Other wise we might still be arguing about this if Aliens ever show up. And of course, if the Aliens are indeed Brothers in the same creation of our God, they will have Fish stickers on the backs of their ships. That's how will know they are friends. Right? If they are good Aliens, they will have the same beliefs.
If some super intelligent race of space-faring creatures actually decided to make themselves know to us, I think they would smile politely at the whole notion of God, the Bible and all of mans various explanations for why we are here. I think they would just listen for a while and then go, "Do you really want to know how the universes started?"
Don't tell me that wouldn't be kick ass cool!
It's a short article, but it made me think of another article I read years ago where a priest was in trouble with the Vatican for suggesting that other beings may indeed live on other worlds, but these worlds still enjoyed the fruits of paradise. Imagine that! What if the saucer people showed up, heard about what we did and then said to us, "We can't believe you ate the apple! Good luck." In fact there was a dude a few years ago who said that Aliens do experiments on us because they consider us far lesser beings for killing Christ. He based the idea that the Aliens never fell from grace in the eyes of God because when ever people talk about the "Gray's" They are always naked. Naked. You know, just like Adam and Eve.
This is the sort of logic they would be up against once they landed. If there really are Alien brothers and sisters out there in the universe, I have a feeling they talk about Earth the way most of talk about the South. Know what I mean?
In the interview, the good Rev. also said that the Bible is not a science book. Really? How many people in Kansas do you think will read that and go, OH?
Last year, the Vatican also announced that limbo was closing. Limbo was a curious place that perfectly illustrates how truly nutty the thinking of the faithful can be. Limbo was invented 700 years ago as an answer to this problem; what happens to the souls of babies who died before being baptised? They couldn't go to Heaven because they had not yet been baptised, yet they also had not hurt anyone. Limbo, Baby! It was also the place people like Mosses and Plato had to go to because they lived before Christ. That seems very unfair. Frankly, I think I might prefer to go to hell instead. Think about it. Just because you were a moral man who lived before Christ, you now have to spend eternity with babies. Shit! It's hard enough when there is just one crying on a plane let alone billions of them hanging out with me for all eternity.
Presumably, if the Aliens who died at Roswell were also Moral, they would of gone to Limbo. Imagine the Aliens surprise if they do eventually turn up and we tell them this little nugget of info. Don't you think they would just nod their big old Gray heads, go back up inside the saucer and take off. I think that is what crop circles are. They land, listen to a few of us and realize we are so not ready. Crop circles are Alien space ships spinning donuts to get out of here quickly!