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Monday, May 19, 2008

Aliens Are Welcome at the Vatican

Good news everyone, believing in extra-terrestrials is not inconsistent with christian beliefs!
Finally!
It's true. The Vatican's chief Astronomer and a Reverend announced this in an interview for an Italian paper recently.
In fact, he said nothing in the Bible precludes God having created other worlds and other beings to live on those worlds. He suggests that we think of them as Brothers and Sisters. Oh yeah. I'm sure the people who give dirty looks to anyone in a head scarf will think of the saucer people as friends. Something about the last 2,000 years of history leads me to think that there might be some problems for anyone showing up from another planet. I mean, come on! We can't get along with people from other parts of our world with different beliefs. Do you really think were gonna be cool with some advance race who crossed the stars only to find out that we still cling to our primitive myths while possessing the technology to kill each other in huge numbers over those beliefs?
Thank God the Vatican announced something important. You know, something that might prevent wars or allow people to not feel guilty about. At least they didn't take 400 plus years to get around to this like they did with letting Galileo off the hook. Other wise we might still be arguing about this if Aliens ever show up. And of course, if the Aliens are indeed Brothers in the same creation of our God, they will have Fish stickers on the backs of their ships. That's how will know they are friends. Right? If they are good Aliens, they will have the same beliefs.
If some super intelligent race of space-faring creatures actually decided to make themselves know to us, I think they would smile politely at the whole notion of God, the Bible and all of mans various explanations for why we are here. I think they would just listen for a while and then go, "Do you really want to know how the universes started?"
Don't tell me that wouldn't be kick ass cool!
It's a short article, but it made me think of another article I read years ago where a priest was in trouble with the Vatican for suggesting that other beings may indeed live on other worlds, but these worlds still enjoyed the fruits of paradise. Imagine that! What if the saucer people showed up, heard about what we did and then said to us, "We can't believe you ate the apple! Good luck." In fact there was a dude a few years ago who said that Aliens do experiments on us because they consider us far lesser beings for killing Christ. He based the idea that the Aliens never fell from grace in the eyes of God because when ever people talk about the "Gray's" They are always naked. Naked. You know, just like Adam and Eve.
What!?
This is the sort of logic they would be up against once they landed. If there really are Alien brothers and sisters out there in the universe, I have a feeling they talk about Earth the way most of talk about the South. Know what I mean?
In the interview, the good Rev. also said that the Bible is not a science book. Really? How many people in Kansas do you think will read that and go, OH?
Last year, the Vatican also announced that limbo was closing. Limbo was a curious place that perfectly illustrates how truly nutty the thinking of the faithful can be. Limbo was invented 700 years ago as an answer to this problem; what happens to the souls of babies who died before being baptised? They couldn't go to Heaven because they had not yet been baptised, yet they also had not hurt anyone. Limbo, Baby! It was also the place people like Mosses and Plato had to go to because they lived before Christ. That seems very unfair. Frankly, I think I might prefer to go to hell instead. Think about it. Just because you were a moral man who lived before Christ, you now have to spend eternity with babies. Shit! It's hard enough when there is just one crying on a plane let alone billions of them hanging out with me for all eternity.
Presumably, if the Aliens who died at Roswell were also Moral, they would of gone to Limbo. Imagine the Aliens surprise if they do eventually turn up and we tell them this little nugget of info. Don't you think they would just nod their big old Gray heads, go back up inside the saucer and take off. I think that is what crop circles are. They land, listen to a few of us and realize we are so not ready. Crop circles are Alien space ships spinning donuts to get out of here quickly!

2 comments:

Sandy said...

"Fish stickers on the backs of their ships"

and

"Crop circles are Alien space ships spinning donuts to get out of here quickly!"

LOLOLOLOL!!!

You made me laugh while I was drinking my coffee.... ended up spitting my morning coffee over my kitchen table. Thanks Joe, I wasn't going to clean on my day off of work, now I'll have to! ;)

Joe said...

I hit the wrong button on someones last comment by mistake. Sorry! Please re-post=)