Saturday, June 14, 2008


I am watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise, the under rated one in my opinion, and Klingons are in it. I have never thought of them as interesting creation. They are one dimensional and I highly doubt a culture so war like would have either survived long enough to make it into space or would even be capable of such science like faster than light travel.
"I hate the Klingons!" I say out loud.
My friend, who is either very stoned or very serious looks at me and says, "Your a racist!"
I start to laugh but I can see he is serious.
"They are fictional characters in a fictional future. I can't be a racist. There not real."
"They might not be real, but you are still saying that you hate an entire group of people."
"No. No I'm not. I am saying that I hate one dimensional characters in bad make-up."
At this he shakes his head, shocked and open mouthed that I would have the nerve to say such a thing.
"I had no idea a friend of mine could be such a stone cold racist!" He says this crossing his arms.
"Come on Dude. They are just actors playing aliens. I can't hate fake alien's? What other fictional creations am I a racist for not liking? I can't stand those lazy no good trolls. Have you seen the way those loud dirty Jawas treat their kids? I am disgusted by the very site of a unicorn. And those fucking Leprechauns! The way they wear their pants and the music they play! Don't get me started."
Give me a break?
Has real racism been solved so we can now move onto stamping out the hidden plight of the fictional people and their struggles to be thought of as equals?
"Klingons aren't even human!" I say with one last attempt at logic.
"That is the very same same talk Hitler used."
I shake my head. "Yes. You are right. Hitler did claim that an entire group of people were less than human, but unlike Klingons, the Jews are a real people who live here on Earth in this time, not a fictional race that lives on another world somewhere in the 22nd century."
"It's the same thing. Hate is hate."
"So I am not allowed to dislike anything or anyone even if they don't actually exist?"
It's at this point that I realize this conversation is beyond ridiculous. I keep waiting for him to say, Gotcha! But it's not coming.
"I am all for love and understanding, but give me a brake. Klingons are just boring one dimensional fictional beings who only want to destroy things. That's it!"
He stands up and shouts at me, "That's their culture Joe! Who are we to judge with our wars and our problems?"
"Your right. They are battling in space for survival and our problems are real."
You know what you shouldn't do in this situation? You shouldn't laugh. After all, this is his passion and clearly I have upset him. But I laugh anyway because in a completely surreal situation, that's what I do. It's my way.
He storms out of the room muttering something about ignorance and close mindedness. I am now left there to consider my racist ways. I am a racist of cultures in the future. I admit it. I think they are an evil and vile race of beings that should be burned from the universe. I feel better for saying it now. If you will excuse me, I have to go find a sheet I can wear to the cross burning we are having to rid the neighborhood of those stinking dirty Droids.


Sandy said...

Perhaps you should have an imaginary meeting with the imaginary Klingon leader and come up with some kind of imaginary peace talks... this of course could take place at some undisclosed imaginary location, with a kick ass imaginary meal. What do Klingons eat?

By the way...

I hate Smurfs.

Terri said...

The upside of all this: Captain Kirk hates Klingons too. He said so in movie 6, The Undiscovered Country. "I've never trusted Klingons, and I never will. I could never forgive them for the death of my boy." He even said "Let them die." So there ya go...throw the wisdom of the Kirk in your friend's face and see what happens. ;)

Dean said...

I'll bet your friend would also organize Sleestak Awareness Week in the Land of the Lost... what a knob...