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Friday, April 25, 2008

A Little of This and a Little of That.

In many cases after people receive donated organs, they develop cravings or personality traits that the original person had. I think this happens with used cars too. A friend of mine bought a previously owned Humvee. He told me that with in two weeks of owning it, he started voting republican and lost 3 inches off his dick.

Wesley Snipes was just sentenced for tax evasion. He was given 3 years and ordered not to make anymore Vampire movies.
Does anyone remember if anyone in the Enron scandal actually did any time? Just asking.

At Yankee Stadium, construction workers dug up a Red Sox jersey poured into the cement under home plate. It was put there as a way to "curse" the Yankees. Makes me wonder what the X left buried under my bed. Better yet, someone should look under the White House for an Iraqi flag. Might explain a lot.

At a recent private gig for a rich guy turning 50, I had one of the worse audiences I have yet to encounter. What is it with bored pretentious rich white guys anyway that makes them so unable to allow joy to register on their face? I had been contacted by the wife who wanted to throw a party where I would come out and do 20 minuets. She had seen me at the death penalty focus benefit I did last month. She is a life long liberal, he works for a company in the south bay that produces "smart" munitions for the military. They both believe that opposites attract. Problem is, in his field they attract and then explode.
I am always fascinated that people in the weapons business never say they are in the weapons business. Instead it is always, defense contractor. Hey, whatever you gotta tell yourself to go to bed at night, right? I know, you are reading this and wondering when it starts to go horribly wrong. Probably wondering why I took the gig in the first place too $$$$!
The crowd of middle age white people, sipping martinis and complementing each other on their tans, is largely bored by any thing I have to offer. It is not going well. Toward the end I turn to the husband and say, "I suppose you are use to seeing bombs like this?"
This comment makes everyone go quiet. Later, on my way to the car, it is explained to me that no one is ever permitted to talk about his job. They apparently enjoy the profits from death and destruction, they just don't like to think about what his product does though.
His indifferent smile vanishes. Looking at me with steely eyes, he sets his drink down and replies, "It's OK. I understand that comedy is largely a defense mechanism."
"I guess were in the same business then." I say.
Show over.

3 comments:

oleg said...

i wonder what goes on in the mind of a wife who knows she is a polar opposite of her husband - yet - she books a comedian SHE enjoys, which by definition her husband almost certainly wont..?

sandy said...

You're funny! :D

I have to say, I've great admiration for people who are fast with quippy comebacks... it's pure joy to watch them in action! It's like a tennis match, with words.

Celery Caraway said...

Great material here too! The organ recipient arena has lots of possibilities. Love the first one you cited. And the whole opposites attract thing is tantalizing-- replete with S&M elements though. And the "we don't talk about our work" thing-- how conveeeenient, to parrot an icon.

In the meantime, here's your latest Enron update, from Democratic Underground: Friday April 25, 2008
DAYS REMAINING IN THE * REGIME 271.
DAYS SINCE DEMOCRACY DIED (12/12/00) 2651 DAYS.
WHERE'S OSAMA BIN-LADEN? 2376 DAYS
DAYS SINCE ENRON COLLAPSE = 2667
Number of Enron Execs in handcuffs = 19
ENRON EXECS CONVICTED = 10
Enron execs conveniently deceased = 3
Other Arrests of Execs = 54