Thursday, April 24, 2008

McCain's Vice President

As you all know, I am very excited to announce that John McCain has asked me to be his Vice President! Some of the duties John has asked me to perform once we win the White House include, making the morning oat meal for him.
Asking Bob Dole to stand next to him so he doesn't look so old.
Supplying him with Viagra, updates on his Myspace page (No glitter fonts!) and the blood of an orphan once a month during the full Moon. (Don't ask!)
I will also be expected to reach for things on high shelves, explain such new words as, OMG and LOL to our President and keep the remote control separated from the nuclear launch button at all times.
It is true that John is pretty old, but the good news is that since he will be under so much pressure, he can directly contribute to the oil problem by becoming oil once he leaves office! How many other Presidents can say that?
I look forward to serving the President and the People of this great country. If you will excuse me now, John is waking up from a nap and I need to be there to work the TiVo so he can watch American Idol.


sandy said...


Celery Caraway said...

YAAAY! Congratulations on your new position, and I look forward to hearing more about how the job evolves... BTW, Craig Ferguson last night said he had been invited to the Press Corps dinner tonight and while it was an honor, he really wasn't happy to be sitting beside John McCain. He didn't want to have to cut his steak up into little pieces for him.