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Monday, February 02, 2009

My Morning Brew

Starbuck's has amazing customer service. Sometimes the customer service is too good.
Caffeine is a drug. A pretty powerful drug too. If you think it isn't and you start your day off with a cup of coffee try going without it one morning. On the few occasions when that has happened I am reduced to tears laying on the floor in a fetal position with a pounding headache in about two hours. Cold turkey is not the way to quit anything. I decided recently to at least cut down. That meant I was going to go from ordering a Venti in the morning to the next size down. A Grande. However every time I walked in to the Starbucks they would already start pouring the super tanker of liquid ambition I need to get into a wakeful state. I felt guilty the first couple of times when I would get to the front of the line and explain that I am trying to cut down and instead of this size I wanted the next one down. By about the 10th time though I was starting to get irritated. I would walk in the door and just shout, "I am not getting a Venti anymore!" Considering that the Starbucks shares space with a bank, walking in shouting anything was frowned on. Fine. I would get to the head of the line and just take the Venti waiting for me and pour out what I didn't want. That would sometimes get me dirty looks from other customers. One day a lady was doing the same thing at a second Starbucks memory hole counter. We looked up at the same time and caught each others eye's. She smiled and said, "Did you change your size too?"
I was not alone!
Then it occurred to me that there are a million Starbucks around the city. I will just start going to another one. You know. Start over. Just go to a new one and establish a new routine.
That worked for a while. But when I was ready to make the jump down to the next smallest size again the same old problem started again. Shit! Thanks for being a bunch of Codependent johnny on the spots but can you wait till I make it to the counter?
The same situation played itself out over a month. In the end I just did the same thing. I accepted the larger size of coffee with a smile and drained most of it into the memory hole. Then I thought, well there are other Starbucks still. So I changed local ones again. I got the Tall coffee for a while with no problems. Then, I walked in one day got to the counter and there at the register was a guy who worked at my original Starbucks. Sitting there was a Venti. "Just the way you like it!" The guy said with a friendly smile.
If you work at a Starbucks you can pick up shifts at any Starbucks in the area. Thats how I learned that.
Let me take this moment to once again apologize to you for what had to seem like the most strange reaction to excellent service ever. After reading the proceeding story you might see why I reacted the way I did. I have been under stress recently. What with the economy, turning 40 and still looking for that break in my career, that had something to do with it too. Anyway, sorry.
Here is what happened.
I freaked out. I just wanted to cut down the amount of coffee I was drinking. Thats all. Three months latter I was spending more money on less coffee.
I snapped.
"Dear God Man! I HAVE CHANGED AND YOU DON'T SEE IT! YOU JUST WON'T SEE IT! MY NEEDS AREN'T THE SAME ANYMORE! AHHH!"
Yeah. It must of seemed like I was breaking up with this guy.
Christ. Cutting down on coffee just made me react the way I do when I drink too much coffee.

2 comments:

rubel said...

Customer service is a one way street. Especially when it comes to legal addictive substances. I'm sure once upon a time the person at the counter shouted out "..and have a nice day!" after you bought your regular pack of smokes. Maybe if there was more shame attached to coffee you could have a more impersonal transaction.

Dean said...

Corporate enablers... what a country...