Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mothers Day

Mothers Day.
Mom and I don't talk much anymore. Not since the 12 hour drive from Walnut Creek, CA to Henderson, NV. That was about a year ago. I know, it's sad and it has more to do with each of us holding onto the idea of who owes who an apology. Course, this has gone on as long as I can remember. Sure, I could call and say hello, I love you and happy mothers day. I probably will too. But under the surface remains the tension. We just don't understand each other.
Years ago, my Mother surprised me and asked me why I resented her so much. I sat there in silence for a moment thinking that to answer would be to invite yet another battle of yelling and passive aggressive black belt moves from her. I told her maybe someday I would explain it and I left it at that.

Like a lot of Mothers, I hear about shit I did as a kid. You know, in the middle of an argument or the middle of lunch.
As a kid.
It is thrown in my face at the oddest times and for no reason connected to logic that I can see. So, I return the favor. I point out stuff that was done while they raised me. I get the same answer from Mom every time, "We did the best we could."
Why do I resent you so much Mom? I resent you because when I point out your mistakes you always answer with, we did the best we could.
You point out mine mistakes and say how you are disappointed in me.
The difference?
I was a child and you were an adult.
You don't think I was doing the best I could as a kid? You were the adult.

It has always annoyed me when I hear people blaming their parents for shit going wrong in their lives. I am not saying that they are responsible for my issues, but their, we did our best, translates into me as an adult. Moms idea of doing the best she could was to pray and pray and pray. People wonder why I have issues with religion, it was Moms drug of choice. Any questions I had about anything got the same answer, ask God. Pray.
As a result, I don't think I ever really got to know mom. Every thing had religion attached to it. That, and I am so tired of hearing about the mistakes I made as a kid.
Happy Mothers day?


Anonymous said...

Religion as a drug of choice... ha! I like that, it should be a t-shirt. My moms the same way.

eobubba said...

I had to make that same call too. This time I got shit because I watched too much television.

Didn't do drugs, didn't steal, didn't drink, didn't get anyone pregnant, didn't blow shit up, etc. etc. etc.

So I get shit for doing nothing. (There's a bit in there somewhere.)

Dean said...

Sometime around your early 30s, your parents just become some people who raised you. All the fantasies and idealization fall away and your left with two people who argue about how Uncle Jimmy broke his finger in that bowling accident.

But you're still thankful they raised you...