Balance. It's not something I have been able to achieve in my life, but the universe seems to impose it on me. Last night I auditioned for the Boston Comedy festival. A lot of us did. There is some unwritten rule in comedy that when a set really matters the crowd that shows up that night will stink. Well, that's what happened last night. In one of the strangest things I have observed in stand-up, the host was truly the only one who had a good set! I had some laughs, but stuff that always kills did OK and stuff that does OK just sat there like a turd in a bowl. The worse feeling in comedy is to be on stage and have a great punchline fail with 5 more minuets to go. What do you do? You stay up there and fight every instinct to stop and go, What's wrong with you people? That's what you do.
When I came off stage I picked up my phone and went out back to check for messages. There were a lot. I had forgotten that my episode of Last Comic Standing aired earlier in the evening. I still have not seen it yet, but apparently it went pretty good. They even aired most of my set. I know because when I returned home to check e-mail and myspace and facebook, I had a ton of messages waiting for me there too. But here is the message I find the funniest. It's from my Mom. Ah Mom. After 15 years in comedy she finally gave me the nicest compliment yet. "Joe, your Father and I watched you on TV tonight. well, he watched you I could only see part of it. You have a nice voice."
That is going to the top of my Bio! I have a nice voice. That only took 15 years and my second TV appearance to get. Oh yeah, in the same night Comedy Central replayed my Live at Gotham set too. That's good because, it looks like that is the only set I am going to be able to get onto TV.
So there is the balance. A shitty set for yet another chance at a festival that offers a chance at something more, and two good TV sets, compliments from strangers on the Internet and my Mom's first legitimate compliment in a long time. Now I just have to watch the copy of the show and wait for Hollywood to call!
Friday, June 06, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Hot for Teacher
Burma: It Can’t Wait – Tila Tequila – Day 30
WTF? Right? On the one hand, I understand that people need to be informed. Maybe this is the way to get young people to pay attention. But using a moron who probably didn't know this stuff till she had to memorize it and recite it with all the warmth of a frozen side of beef, seems to be in poor taste. What are we saying to kid's, it's OK to use misogyny when educating people about tragedy? I am worried that we will see Hilliary Clinton striping as she explains the economy. OK, with her, she might start out naked and as people get the answers correct, she would put on clothes. Cheap shot? Well its for a good cause.
What is this going to accomplish? A bunch of brain dead MTV watchers might stumble across CNN in their stoned channel surfing and get a hard-on at the mention of Burma now?
If we have to resort to hosts of really bad reality shows just to grab our attention on important social issues, maybe strippers should start warning other kid's in other countries about the falling educational standards in America. Why not just make Tia Tequila America's roaming substitute teacher? She can just show up at random schools with fun facts leaving a trail of clothes and knowledge behind. Instead of the boring book mobile, kids can get excited waiting for the knowledge whore to show up with her poll and facts!
WTF? Right? On the one hand, I understand that people need to be informed. Maybe this is the way to get young people to pay attention. But using a moron who probably didn't know this stuff till she had to memorize it and recite it with all the warmth of a frozen side of beef, seems to be in poor taste. What are we saying to kid's, it's OK to use misogyny when educating people about tragedy? I am worried that we will see Hilliary Clinton striping as she explains the economy. OK, with her, she might start out naked and as people get the answers correct, she would put on clothes. Cheap shot? Well its for a good cause.
What is this going to accomplish? A bunch of brain dead MTV watchers might stumble across CNN in their stoned channel surfing and get a hard-on at the mention of Burma now?
If we have to resort to hosts of really bad reality shows just to grab our attention on important social issues, maybe strippers should start warning other kid's in other countries about the falling educational standards in America. Why not just make Tia Tequila America's roaming substitute teacher? She can just show up at random schools with fun facts leaving a trail of clothes and knowledge behind. Instead of the boring book mobile, kids can get excited waiting for the knowledge whore to show up with her poll and facts!
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
New World Order?
"They're not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who is a friend of mine. And then all of this earthquake and all this happened and I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice, that bad things happen to you?"
-Sharon Stone to reporter's on the Red Carpet at the Cannes film festival.
Taking pleasure in the death and destruction of millions of people's homes is bad Karma. It's the same as Christians thinking Hurricane Katrina was sent to New Orleans as some instrument of punishment against Gay People.
But more importantly, Sharon Stone is friends with the Dalai Lama?
You have to wonder what bad Karma he pick up for having to hang out with Sharon Stone and listen to her thoughts on philosophy in that dim witted cheerleader accent no 50 year old woman should still have.
That's how the universe works? China is being mean to one dude so the universe decided to kill thousands and render millions homeless for the policies of their government? I don't think that's how it works. Course, I'm not a friend of the Dalia Lama. I could be wrong.
Obama is all but assured the democratic nomination and it seems as though Clinton is going to come aboard as the V.P. now. Damn! Dear John McCain, you just lost by a landslide. Who will be voting for him? Old White Guys who are afraid Obama/Clinton will appoint a Hispanic lesbian to the Supreme court? I say Ellen DeGeneres for Secretary of Defense, Oprah for UN ambassador and over at the department of justice Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears. Allow me to explain America.
If we put Ellen in charge of the military, I think other countries would think twice about doing anything to us. All those Vibrator shaped missiles just waiting for launching! Also, if we loose a war, great. We can go to the UN and say, Good for you. You beat a lesbian. No one wants to be beat by a lesbian. That is called deterrence gentleman!
Oprha at the UN? Yes! She could get things done with her fame, charm and cash. Imagine how much better things would go for us if she could get up at general assemblies and say, "everyone who signs this treaty today will get a special present. Just look under your seat now!"
Alright, why would I hand the department of Justice over to three of Americas glossiest whores?
A few reasons. 1, you know they all need regular jobs. 2, it would be like having Charlies Angles in charge and 3, The Bush people got away with a lot of shit because no one pays attention to the boring old department of Justice. Well, we know cameras follow these three every where. Put them some place important, let the cameras run and no more secrets going on. Besides, for their own sakes, don't you think we should monitor them in a place where there are lawyers and handcuffs near by 24/7?
You really have to put this in perspective. If the Obama/Clinton ticket wins it demonstrates just how awful Bush was. 200 years and 43 White Male Presidents. That is a very impressive record. Well, Bush was so bad that a majority of America said, fuck that! The only thing I would worry about is Clinton. Dear Obama, never let her bring you coffee. The words, a heart beat away from the office of the President will ring in her head every night when she hits the pillow next to first Husband, Bill.
-Sharon Stone to reporter's on the Red Carpet at the Cannes film festival.
Taking pleasure in the death and destruction of millions of people's homes is bad Karma. It's the same as Christians thinking Hurricane Katrina was sent to New Orleans as some instrument of punishment against Gay People.
But more importantly, Sharon Stone is friends with the Dalai Lama?
You have to wonder what bad Karma he pick up for having to hang out with Sharon Stone and listen to her thoughts on philosophy in that dim witted cheerleader accent no 50 year old woman should still have.
That's how the universe works? China is being mean to one dude so the universe decided to kill thousands and render millions homeless for the policies of their government? I don't think that's how it works. Course, I'm not a friend of the Dalia Lama. I could be wrong.
Obama is all but assured the democratic nomination and it seems as though Clinton is going to come aboard as the V.P. now. Damn! Dear John McCain, you just lost by a landslide. Who will be voting for him? Old White Guys who are afraid Obama/Clinton will appoint a Hispanic lesbian to the Supreme court? I say Ellen DeGeneres for Secretary of Defense, Oprah for UN ambassador and over at the department of justice Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears. Allow me to explain America.
If we put Ellen in charge of the military, I think other countries would think twice about doing anything to us. All those Vibrator shaped missiles just waiting for launching! Also, if we loose a war, great. We can go to the UN and say, Good for you. You beat a lesbian. No one wants to be beat by a lesbian. That is called deterrence gentleman!
Oprha at the UN? Yes! She could get things done with her fame, charm and cash. Imagine how much better things would go for us if she could get up at general assemblies and say, "everyone who signs this treaty today will get a special present. Just look under your seat now!"
Alright, why would I hand the department of Justice over to three of Americas glossiest whores?
A few reasons. 1, you know they all need regular jobs. 2, it would be like having Charlies Angles in charge and 3, The Bush people got away with a lot of shit because no one pays attention to the boring old department of Justice. Well, we know cameras follow these three every where. Put them some place important, let the cameras run and no more secrets going on. Besides, for their own sakes, don't you think we should monitor them in a place where there are lawyers and handcuffs near by 24/7?
You really have to put this in perspective. If the Obama/Clinton ticket wins it demonstrates just how awful Bush was. 200 years and 43 White Male Presidents. That is a very impressive record. Well, Bush was so bad that a majority of America said, fuck that! The only thing I would worry about is Clinton. Dear Obama, never let her bring you coffee. The words, a heart beat away from the office of the President will ring in her head every night when she hits the pillow next to first Husband, Bill.
Best Bumper Sticker Ever!
Last night's game show, GET IT down at the Punchline played out as they usually do. I was nervous that there was a small crowd a quarter till show time, I was slightly depressed about the current state of my inner life and the show went off wonderfully with compliments from departing audience members. In fact, that's really where this story begins; at the end. Literally. As people left and I packed up the buzzers, I was prepared for a quiet rest of the night. Stepping outside, a few audience members sat smoking cigarettes and talking with other audience members. Thats when I heard these words from a young Asian girl desperately trying to light a cigarette in the wind.
"Will you sign my tits?"
I didn't think I heard it right but after I raised my eyebrows and asked if she just said what I thought she said, she changed her mind. "Yeah. Sign my tits and my ass."
Who am I to turn down a ladies request.
You know, you work so hard for recognition and admiration from the crowd and when it comes, it feels wonderful. Wonderful, and it turns out, a little dirty too.
"Of course I will sign your Tits and ass!"
She had very specific instructions though. She wanted my name on her tits and then the words, Me love you long time, on her ass with my name.
"Wait. How old are you?" I thought I should ask before I put my name on her.
Slightly incredulous, she answered. "23!"
So I ask you dear reader, what would you do? It's wasn't like she was alone either. There were three guys, another girl and me. It's not like we were in the back room of some bar or around the corner in the dark.
Luckily, I had a sharpie on me. I don't keep one on me for this, I had it from the name tags for contestants on the game show. Course, when I pulled it out of my pocket on a seconds notice, I think she did pause for a moment to reconsider her request.
Sure enough, she pulled her shirt down and I wrote not just my name, but my web site across her heart. Then came the other end. She seemed a lot less shy about this region of her body. She turned around, bent like a lady at the knee and down went the pants to reveal a splendid brown ass. I took my time. Penmanship is such a lost art. Again, I wrote my name, website and the phrase, I luv you long time! Then, as quickly as it begin, she pulled her pants up, turned around and the following words left her mouth as she gestured to the guy sitting next to her, "This is my boyfriend."
The lord giveth and the lord takith.
That was an awkward moment. He shook my hand, you know, the same hand that was just on his ladies ass. Everyone seemed pretty cool with it, but all I could think of is; enjoy the doggy style sex for the next week or so as my name looks back up at you!
Best bumper sticker I ever put on!
Somewhere, there is a young Asian man who now gets a hard-on every time he sees the words, standupjoe.com
Really, what more can you ask for as a performer?
"Will you sign my tits?"
I didn't think I heard it right but after I raised my eyebrows and asked if she just said what I thought she said, she changed her mind. "Yeah. Sign my tits and my ass."
Who am I to turn down a ladies request.
You know, you work so hard for recognition and admiration from the crowd and when it comes, it feels wonderful. Wonderful, and it turns out, a little dirty too.
"Of course I will sign your Tits and ass!"
She had very specific instructions though. She wanted my name on her tits and then the words, Me love you long time, on her ass with my name.
"Wait. How old are you?" I thought I should ask before I put my name on her.
Slightly incredulous, she answered. "23!"
So I ask you dear reader, what would you do? It's wasn't like she was alone either. There were three guys, another girl and me. It's not like we were in the back room of some bar or around the corner in the dark.
Luckily, I had a sharpie on me. I don't keep one on me for this, I had it from the name tags for contestants on the game show. Course, when I pulled it out of my pocket on a seconds notice, I think she did pause for a moment to reconsider her request.
Sure enough, she pulled her shirt down and I wrote not just my name, but my web site across her heart. Then came the other end. She seemed a lot less shy about this region of her body. She turned around, bent like a lady at the knee and down went the pants to reveal a splendid brown ass. I took my time. Penmanship is such a lost art. Again, I wrote my name, website and the phrase, I luv you long time! Then, as quickly as it begin, she pulled her pants up, turned around and the following words left her mouth as she gestured to the guy sitting next to her, "This is my boyfriend."
The lord giveth and the lord takith.
That was an awkward moment. He shook my hand, you know, the same hand that was just on his ladies ass. Everyone seemed pretty cool with it, but all I could think of is; enjoy the doggy style sex for the next week or so as my name looks back up at you!
Best bumper sticker I ever put on!
Somewhere, there is a young Asian man who now gets a hard-on every time he sees the words, standupjoe.com
Really, what more can you ask for as a performer?
Sunday, June 01, 2008
I don't have a title for this one
I watched some of the Democratic National Committee try to sort out this mess with the Florida and Michigan primaries this weekend. Here is my big question about this whole thing; Where were all these people two years ago?
Speech after speech, all made by intelligent people who invoked the sanctify of the vote, went on and on. It was all bullshit! Bullshit, because everyone of the people in that room either voted for those states to be stripped of their primary votes for breaking the rules, or were representatives of people who were more interested in casting their vote for American idol then worry about something so distant as the 2008 election when they were told about it in their local papers.
It was a joke! No one in that room was surprised and until Clinton was loosing this election, she was quoted over and over that Florida and Michigan's primaries did not count.
Here is how it works America. Pay close attention please.
Break the rules and pay a price.
Former White House press Secretary, Scott McClellan published a new book; What Happened. You will notice that there is no question mark at the end of that. It is one more Book from a man in this Administration that confirms what the majority of Americans are starting to recognize as the truth; we were lied into a war. One by one anchors and reporters are coming forward to tell the same story. Brian Williams told a story this week about getting a phone call from the Pentagon after a report he filed from Kuwait. Katie Couric told a story about a similar phone call from the White House after a interview where she was told they did not like the tone of the piece. Story after story is starting to emerge where reporters are now saying that subtle and not so subtle pressure was put on them to keep the stories about the lead up to the war in Iraq positive.
So why are we hearing about this now? This is a major story! The government leaned on network's, executives and reporters to tell the story they wanted in the way they wanted and no one ever said anything to the American people until 7 years and almost 5,000 dead American troops later!
The fact is, the reporters kept their mouths shut because they didn't want to loose their jobs. Scott McClellan stayed quiet because he wanted the money while he was the official liar and he wanted more money to tell how much he lied after he left. Money and principles do not go together very comfortably. All of these stories are related to a conversation I had with a friend recently. He told me very proudly that he had reached a point in his life where he could separate his principles in order to make money. That's progress? As the above stories illustrate, separating yourself from your principles for money, power or fame seems to be a deal with the devil. Principles are not something you have. They are the actions you take. If you tell the world after a war has claimed millions of lives that you knew you were lying, you don't get treated like a hero. It just means you finally did the right thing.
Speech after speech, all made by intelligent people who invoked the sanctify of the vote, went on and on. It was all bullshit! Bullshit, because everyone of the people in that room either voted for those states to be stripped of their primary votes for breaking the rules, or were representatives of people who were more interested in casting their vote for American idol then worry about something so distant as the 2008 election when they were told about it in their local papers.
It was a joke! No one in that room was surprised and until Clinton was loosing this election, she was quoted over and over that Florida and Michigan's primaries did not count.
Here is how it works America. Pay close attention please.
Break the rules and pay a price.
Former White House press Secretary, Scott McClellan published a new book; What Happened. You will notice that there is no question mark at the end of that. It is one more Book from a man in this Administration that confirms what the majority of Americans are starting to recognize as the truth; we were lied into a war. One by one anchors and reporters are coming forward to tell the same story. Brian Williams told a story this week about getting a phone call from the Pentagon after a report he filed from Kuwait. Katie Couric told a story about a similar phone call from the White House after a interview where she was told they did not like the tone of the piece. Story after story is starting to emerge where reporters are now saying that subtle and not so subtle pressure was put on them to keep the stories about the lead up to the war in Iraq positive.
So why are we hearing about this now? This is a major story! The government leaned on network's, executives and reporters to tell the story they wanted in the way they wanted and no one ever said anything to the American people until 7 years and almost 5,000 dead American troops later!
The fact is, the reporters kept their mouths shut because they didn't want to loose their jobs. Scott McClellan stayed quiet because he wanted the money while he was the official liar and he wanted more money to tell how much he lied after he left. Money and principles do not go together very comfortably. All of these stories are related to a conversation I had with a friend recently. He told me very proudly that he had reached a point in his life where he could separate his principles in order to make money. That's progress? As the above stories illustrate, separating yourself from your principles for money, power or fame seems to be a deal with the devil. Principles are not something you have. They are the actions you take. If you tell the world after a war has claimed millions of lives that you knew you were lying, you don't get treated like a hero. It just means you finally did the right thing.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Duggan!
I closed a contest show at Roosters recently. Let me get right to the point. One of the comics went on stage and told a story about the time he lost an inch and a half off the tip of his dick in a lumber accident. Lumber accident. So ironic! Apparently he was carrying a heavy beam. He dropped his end, or load if you want to continue the bounty of sexual innuendo that this story is! It didn't just fall at his feet though. No. It fell on top of another hard surface (I am letting that one go) trapping an inch and a half of his dick between the not so proverbial rock and hard place. Ever see a crowd of men wince collectively? I have now. What made the story great was this nugget of detail. "A hallo of blood started spreading from my groin." A dare you to close your eyes and not picture that horrific scene. Oh but the best part isn't over yet. The best part was after he finished his set, he sat down with his friends in the front row. The front row!
I turned to another comic in the back of the room and said, "Oh. I am sooo fucking with him!"
The second worse day of his life was the day he lost an inch and a half of his dick in an accident. The worse day has to be the night I got on stage and that was the first ten minuets of my set.
He kept referring to his dick as, The Duggan. The Duggan? The Duggan. There is something about putting the word The right before the pet name for your dick that feels weird. The Duggan. Like it's royalty with a family crest or a Seinfeld episode. I call mine, the Mulligan. I always want to do it over.
Oh the poor guy.
But life had the last laugh on me. He was a good sport. I put my hand out at the end for the guy fist pound thing. He graciously returned the man bonding gesture. That's when I noticed the wedding ring. Wedding ring!? This dude lost an inch and a half off his dick in some freak wood accident (Wood accident indeed) and has a wife, but I went home that night to jack-off to memories of my X girlfriend with tears for lube with a perfectly good dick? Oh yeah. Life's fair!
I turned to another comic in the back of the room and said, "Oh. I am sooo fucking with him!"
The second worse day of his life was the day he lost an inch and a half of his dick in an accident. The worse day has to be the night I got on stage and that was the first ten minuets of my set.
He kept referring to his dick as, The Duggan. The Duggan? The Duggan. There is something about putting the word The right before the pet name for your dick that feels weird. The Duggan. Like it's royalty with a family crest or a Seinfeld episode. I call mine, the Mulligan. I always want to do it over.
Oh the poor guy.
But life had the last laugh on me. He was a good sport. I put my hand out at the end for the guy fist pound thing. He graciously returned the man bonding gesture. That's when I noticed the wedding ring. Wedding ring!? This dude lost an inch and a half off his dick in some freak wood accident (Wood accident indeed) and has a wife, but I went home that night to jack-off to memories of my X girlfriend with tears for lube with a perfectly good dick? Oh yeah. Life's fair!
A Little Revelation
Last night I climbed into my car and started the drive to Sunnyvale for a show at Roosters. As I did the thought hit me, I am going to perform stand-up comedy and someone is paying me for it. It’s a nice thought to have every once in a while. It means that no matter what I still love it. All the rejection and the constant expectation are worth the pleasure of getting on stage and doing what I do better than anything else I can do. It’s a nice revelation to have as you head to a show. Not that I wasn’t looking forward to the show anyway, but I do catch myself drifting into somber thoughts sometimes and this tiny burst of spontaneous gratitude helped to remind me that with or without the desired fame, I would still be doing this. As a result, I had a set that I felt totally alive in and free. That’s just a damn good feeling! When you do an audition, it’s the feeling you want to have embodied in your set. You want it to appear to flow freely, as if everything you are saying is leaving your mouth for the first time. That’s the problem though; you want it to appear that way. It shouldn't be something that you have to struggle to make appear. Lately, that is just what I have had to do on stage; fake it. It’s not that I don’t love being a comic. I do. It’s all the other stuff that comes along with it. You have to get some measure of fame or you just don’t advance. That point is made abundantly clear by the fact that tonight, I will be paid the same amount of money to close a show that I was paid to host my first ever professional gig more than 15 years ago. I don’t blame the club for this either. The clubs are in the same boat the local comics are. They need to bring in bigger names to make more money. The comics want to make more money, so that’s why we endure all the stuff that knocks us off our game. All that being said, when I get into my shinny little car, a car paid for entirely with comedy money, I realize that I have it far better than a lot of other comics. I don’t want my spirituality to be dependant on how much better I am doing than someone else, but I am doing OK. For whatever reason that thought came into my head tonight. There is a lot of stuff coming up. Good stuff. Opportunity. But you can’t reach for that next level if you can’t enjoy where you are now. That sounds like something you read on a poster that has cute kittens or something.
So that’s it. No great story about a weird gig or a report about a show, just one man going to work and thinking, that makes me happy. It makes the tiny apartment worth it. It makes the late nights and early mornings worth it. It makes the egos and the idiots bearable. It makes the let down of not getting something you want so bad worth it. All I want to be able to do is get on stage and make people laugh. But I also know that I have not been taking care of myself like I should be. Between all the stuff I have committed myself to doing, it leaves very little time to take care of the things that need to be taken care of so I can just get up and start the day on a good note. Know what I mean? Something has to give or go before I break. I am thinking about taking a break from teaching for awhile. I didn't know that I would enjoy it so much when I started it, but the demands on my time are starting to go from acceptable returns to a drain. Less money but more peaceful head space might not be a bad trade to make. After all, I know for a fact that I cannot get to that next level without taking all the steeps needed to insure a calm mind and a heart free of anger. This may not be a fact for every comic, but I know it is for me. I have never gotten a gig or advanced in an audition situation when the inside of my head was noisier than the crowd. There has just been a little too much static in there lately. The thought that I still get to do this and get paid for it still amazes me though. You cannot afford to take that for granted. When you do, and there have been times when I have, you are just going through the motions. It is a loveless and gray thing to be standing on stage coasting your way to the end of a set to get that check and get the hell out of there. I want to be on stage and want to be there. Big theater or small gig for gas money, I want all of my shows to be important. The only way to do that is to take all that noise inside myself seriously.
So maybe someone sent me good karma or said a prayer or just had a good thought for me. Whatever it was, I got the message from out of the blue; be grateful for what you can do, not pissed off for what you might not get.
So that’s it. No great story about a weird gig or a report about a show, just one man going to work and thinking, that makes me happy. It makes the tiny apartment worth it. It makes the late nights and early mornings worth it. It makes the egos and the idiots bearable. It makes the let down of not getting something you want so bad worth it. All I want to be able to do is get on stage and make people laugh. But I also know that I have not been taking care of myself like I should be. Between all the stuff I have committed myself to doing, it leaves very little time to take care of the things that need to be taken care of so I can just get up and start the day on a good note. Know what I mean? Something has to give or go before I break. I am thinking about taking a break from teaching for awhile. I didn't know that I would enjoy it so much when I started it, but the demands on my time are starting to go from acceptable returns to a drain. Less money but more peaceful head space might not be a bad trade to make. After all, I know for a fact that I cannot get to that next level without taking all the steeps needed to insure a calm mind and a heart free of anger. This may not be a fact for every comic, but I know it is for me. I have never gotten a gig or advanced in an audition situation when the inside of my head was noisier than the crowd. There has just been a little too much static in there lately. The thought that I still get to do this and get paid for it still amazes me though. You cannot afford to take that for granted. When you do, and there have been times when I have, you are just going through the motions. It is a loveless and gray thing to be standing on stage coasting your way to the end of a set to get that check and get the hell out of there. I want to be on stage and want to be there. Big theater or small gig for gas money, I want all of my shows to be important. The only way to do that is to take all that noise inside myself seriously.
So maybe someone sent me good karma or said a prayer or just had a good thought for me. Whatever it was, I got the message from out of the blue; be grateful for what you can do, not pissed off for what you might not get.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Eyes on the prize, bitches!
Monday night was the first ever Jimmy Gunn Riff sessions at the Punchline. All in all, I would call it a success! If you were there, then you know just how odd and awkward Jimmy's hosting can be. Part act and part that's just the way he is, it made for good fodder the entire evening. In fact, I would say the show became more of a roast than a riff on today's topics. Doug Benson, high as hell, was also very funny. If you ever saw Tough Crowd, with Colin Quin on Comedy Central, then you have a pretty good idea of how the show works. We all did sets first. We went back on stage later, sat down and took questions from the crowd. There were some great moments. I think crowds enjoy a show like this. It gives them something different and something unexpected rather than the usual.
Last night I did my audition set for the Craig Ferguson show. Right off the top I will say that my set was good. Not great, but good. I am fighting the urge to go into greater detail and describe all the joy out of it. perhaps you have noticed. I do that sometimes. The notes I got back from the scout were encouraging. You always hope for a killer set from the first joke to the last joke. His biggest concern was that they might have an issue with my Mom jokes. Were talking TV now. If you watch a lot of late night shows and check out the comics, you will notice that most of their sets are lacking in any opinion or any edge. This is not their fault. The TV people don't want any letters from anyone who could possibly be offended. I was told to avoid politics and not to mention drinking, drugs, product names or any references to violence. In other words, try not to acknowledge the times we live in at all. It left me with about 5 minuets worth of stuff I could do. Good thing, because that's all they want. According to the guy in change of taping all of us, CBS sometimes has issues with a joke where it appears the mom is doing something bad to her kid. I have issues with that too. Hence the jokes about it. It just reinforces the idea that I need to take it to the Internet. No restrictions. No commercials. If people get upset, so what. That's the beauty of the Internet. Send me an e-mail telling me you think I don't understand politics. Send me an e-mail saying you don't think I am funny. To me, all that means is, you watched it.
Soon, Last Comic Standing will air the San Francisco auditions show. Word is, they will air a nice chunk of my set. I will believe it when I see it.
At the moment, I am trying not to second guess my set or think that the Ferguson show will pass on me. Next month I will be at a comedy festival where I will spend a week in front of the David Letterman Booker. Eyes on the prize, bitches!
Last night I did my audition set for the Craig Ferguson show. Right off the top I will say that my set was good. Not great, but good. I am fighting the urge to go into greater detail and describe all the joy out of it. perhaps you have noticed. I do that sometimes. The notes I got back from the scout were encouraging. You always hope for a killer set from the first joke to the last joke. His biggest concern was that they might have an issue with my Mom jokes. Were talking TV now. If you watch a lot of late night shows and check out the comics, you will notice that most of their sets are lacking in any opinion or any edge. This is not their fault. The TV people don't want any letters from anyone who could possibly be offended. I was told to avoid politics and not to mention drinking, drugs, product names or any references to violence. In other words, try not to acknowledge the times we live in at all. It left me with about 5 minuets worth of stuff I could do. Good thing, because that's all they want. According to the guy in change of taping all of us, CBS sometimes has issues with a joke where it appears the mom is doing something bad to her kid. I have issues with that too. Hence the jokes about it. It just reinforces the idea that I need to take it to the Internet. No restrictions. No commercials. If people get upset, so what. That's the beauty of the Internet. Send me an e-mail telling me you think I don't understand politics. Send me an e-mail saying you don't think I am funny. To me, all that means is, you watched it.
Soon, Last Comic Standing will air the San Francisco auditions show. Word is, they will air a nice chunk of my set. I will believe it when I see it.
At the moment, I am trying not to second guess my set or think that the Ferguson show will pass on me. Next month I will be at a comedy festival where I will spend a week in front of the David Letterman Booker. Eyes on the prize, bitches!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Another Week of News
Last week, the Congress voted and passed the new G.I. Bill. It is a bill that gives financial help to returning Iraq and Afghanistan vets for college and medical help. Like their fathers before them, this generation of returning solders deserves to be thanked with easy access to education and a better future.
John McCain, Vietnam vet and champion of veterans rights did not vote on the bill. Instead, he choose to stay in California at a fund raiser.
Obama, flew back to Washington to vote in favor of the bill before returning to a rally for him in Florida.
McCain criticized Obama for not understanding veterans issues because he never served. It's true, Obama never served. He was 12 when Vietnam ended. A little young to serve in Vietnam.
Obama voted in favor of a bill that will help returning veteran's, a bill that the President and McCain was against by the way, and McCain couldn't be bothered to vote on it. He did have the time to say that Obama didn't understand veteran's issues because he never wore the uniform though. Make sense? Me either.
Mean while, we are still occupying Iraq. Little history lesson folks. The two main groups of people in Iraq are the sunnis and the shia. Under Saddam, the Shia were second class citizens often brutalized by Saddam. Saddam was a Sunni, so we knocked him and all traces of the Sunni's from the government in Iraq. You think thats a good thing, right? We put into power a government composed mostly of Shia's. Guess who the ruling religious faction in Iran is? Thats right, Shia's. When you hear people say that the biggest winner in this war is Iran, they aren't kidding! We did for Iran what eight years of war with Iraq never could! Then, we complain that Iran is influencing Iraq. You think? It's like we invaded Switzerland at the height of World War War two, threw out the government and installed a new one composed of Nazi's and then got mad at Germany for having more influence in Switzerland. Do you understand exactly how stupid we look to the rest of the world that clearly knows the difference between Sunni and Shia? Most American have a hard time telling the difference between American Idols after a few months, but the world knows what is going on and this is yet one more example of why we look like retards. Who thinks McCain will run anything different?
Now onto another round of Clinton Bashing! By now you have heard Hillary's comment about why she is staying in the race, right? In an interview she said her husband didn't get the nomination until June and that Bobby Kennedy was shot in June. So, one reason Clinton continues to fight is on the chance that Obama will be assassinated. Nice. Anyone else think that at this point she has gone a little nuts?
"I am staying in the race because someone might shoot Obama. Let's face it folks, a lot of people voted for me in the primary because he's a freaking' black guy and you know what this country does to politically minded black people. That's why I stay in the race. Odds are, I will be the nominee by default."
Well, on ward and upward to another week of news=)
John McCain, Vietnam vet and champion of veterans rights did not vote on the bill. Instead, he choose to stay in California at a fund raiser.
Obama, flew back to Washington to vote in favor of the bill before returning to a rally for him in Florida.
McCain criticized Obama for not understanding veterans issues because he never served. It's true, Obama never served. He was 12 when Vietnam ended. A little young to serve in Vietnam.
Obama voted in favor of a bill that will help returning veteran's, a bill that the President and McCain was against by the way, and McCain couldn't be bothered to vote on it. He did have the time to say that Obama didn't understand veteran's issues because he never wore the uniform though. Make sense? Me either.
Mean while, we are still occupying Iraq. Little history lesson folks. The two main groups of people in Iraq are the sunnis and the shia. Under Saddam, the Shia were second class citizens often brutalized by Saddam. Saddam was a Sunni, so we knocked him and all traces of the Sunni's from the government in Iraq. You think thats a good thing, right? We put into power a government composed mostly of Shia's. Guess who the ruling religious faction in Iran is? Thats right, Shia's. When you hear people say that the biggest winner in this war is Iran, they aren't kidding! We did for Iran what eight years of war with Iraq never could! Then, we complain that Iran is influencing Iraq. You think? It's like we invaded Switzerland at the height of World War War two, threw out the government and installed a new one composed of Nazi's and then got mad at Germany for having more influence in Switzerland. Do you understand exactly how stupid we look to the rest of the world that clearly knows the difference between Sunni and Shia? Most American have a hard time telling the difference between American Idols after a few months, but the world knows what is going on and this is yet one more example of why we look like retards. Who thinks McCain will run anything different?
Now onto another round of Clinton Bashing! By now you have heard Hillary's comment about why she is staying in the race, right? In an interview she said her husband didn't get the nomination until June and that Bobby Kennedy was shot in June. So, one reason Clinton continues to fight is on the chance that Obama will be assassinated. Nice. Anyone else think that at this point she has gone a little nuts?
"I am staying in the race because someone might shoot Obama. Let's face it folks, a lot of people voted for me in the primary because he's a freaking' black guy and you know what this country does to politically minded black people. That's why I stay in the race. Odds are, I will be the nominee by default."
Well, on ward and upward to another week of news=)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
25%
Hilliary Clinton won Kentucky in a landslide vote yesterday. Before she gets excited about still trailing Obama, take a good look at this win. You know how she continually tells the national press that she leads in white votes? Well, 25% of the people polled after they voted in Kentucky said race was a deciding factor in their vote. You can read that any way you want, but to me it says, "I am not voting for a black guy."
Obama won in Oregon yesterday too. Black people make up a little over 1% of the population there. So what have we learned kids? We have learned that people in the southern states have a hard time voting for a black guy. Surprise! Yet Hilliary sees this as the ability to build a broader collation than Obama. That's great. She can bring together the people who want change and still hate black people. Nice job Hilliary!
A quarter of the people who were asked if race was a determining factor in who they voted for in the Democratic primary said yes. 25% said race was so important that they voted for the white person. I can't be sure, but I think that is the very definition of racism.
Oh Kentucky. You do not disappoint. She won a state that has a museum with dinosaurs walking around the garden of Eden! Great! You have demonstrated that you can win a majority of the ignorant racists. Congratulations.
One of the under reported stories in all this is the racism being encountered by Obama's campaigners. Stories abound of hang up phone calls where the N word is yelled, doors are slammed in peoples faces where the N word is yelled, signs torn down and the N word left behind in spray painted letters. I am guessing that the number of people they have encountered who are openly hostile to the thought of a black man as President is probably something like, oh I don't know, 25%!
It is pretty amazing to me as a I sit here in San Francisco that people would feel comfortable enough to tell a stranger that they are not going to vote for someone because they are black. Yet a quarter of the people did just that. The Clinton campaign has had no problems screaming sexism when they thought they had a case, but when racism is working for them, they are strangely silent.
You have to remember that Hilliary had every advantage a person could have going into this election. They set up the campaign they wanted from day one. Rather than make a graceful exit or endorse the party member with the most delegates, she wants to drag this thing out because she was suppose to be the next President. We don't have time for this. Every strategist in the Democratic party will tell you that we need to start taking on McCain today. Fighting among ourselves is not a solution to any of the issues that matter to all Democrats. Can we just agree that the person with the most votes wins and be done with this? The only way Hillilary can win at this point is to make a back room deal with the super delegates. In other words, over turn the will of the popular vote. Even if you give her 50% of the disputed delagates from the two states who broke the rules of the party and were told years in advance that their delagtes would not be counted, even if you do that-she still will be behind Obama.
Case closed. Move on.
Obama won in Oregon yesterday too. Black people make up a little over 1% of the population there. So what have we learned kids? We have learned that people in the southern states have a hard time voting for a black guy. Surprise! Yet Hilliary sees this as the ability to build a broader collation than Obama. That's great. She can bring together the people who want change and still hate black people. Nice job Hilliary!
A quarter of the people who were asked if race was a determining factor in who they voted for in the Democratic primary said yes. 25% said race was so important that they voted for the white person. I can't be sure, but I think that is the very definition of racism.
Oh Kentucky. You do not disappoint. She won a state that has a museum with dinosaurs walking around the garden of Eden! Great! You have demonstrated that you can win a majority of the ignorant racists. Congratulations.
One of the under reported stories in all this is the racism being encountered by Obama's campaigners. Stories abound of hang up phone calls where the N word is yelled, doors are slammed in peoples faces where the N word is yelled, signs torn down and the N word left behind in spray painted letters. I am guessing that the number of people they have encountered who are openly hostile to the thought of a black man as President is probably something like, oh I don't know, 25%!
It is pretty amazing to me as a I sit here in San Francisco that people would feel comfortable enough to tell a stranger that they are not going to vote for someone because they are black. Yet a quarter of the people did just that. The Clinton campaign has had no problems screaming sexism when they thought they had a case, but when racism is working for them, they are strangely silent.
You have to remember that Hilliary had every advantage a person could have going into this election. They set up the campaign they wanted from day one. Rather than make a graceful exit or endorse the party member with the most delegates, she wants to drag this thing out because she was suppose to be the next President. We don't have time for this. Every strategist in the Democratic party will tell you that we need to start taking on McCain today. Fighting among ourselves is not a solution to any of the issues that matter to all Democrats. Can we just agree that the person with the most votes wins and be done with this? The only way Hillilary can win at this point is to make a back room deal with the super delegates. In other words, over turn the will of the popular vote. Even if you give her 50% of the disputed delagates from the two states who broke the rules of the party and were told years in advance that their delagtes would not be counted, even if you do that-she still will be behind Obama.
Case closed. Move on.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Stuff Going on
Look for me this Thursday on Last Comic Standing. I should be on for a little under three minuets. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know how it ended.
Next Tuesday I will be auditioning for the Craig Ferguson show. Cross your fingers for me please. It took forever just to get to this point with them.
memorial day weekend I will be down at the Punchline in San Francisco for Sunday nights showcase and then Monday for an experimental show with Doug Benson, Will Durst, W. Kamau Bell and me. None of us really know what creator, Jimmy Gunn has planed for us, but it should be an amusing train wreck if nothing else.
Alright, that's all the news that goes by my name. What's yours?
Next Tuesday I will be auditioning for the Craig Ferguson show. Cross your fingers for me please. It took forever just to get to this point with them.
memorial day weekend I will be down at the Punchline in San Francisco for Sunday nights showcase and then Monday for an experimental show with Doug Benson, Will Durst, W. Kamau Bell and me. None of us really know what creator, Jimmy Gunn has planed for us, but it should be an amusing train wreck if nothing else.
Alright, that's all the news that goes by my name. What's yours?
Dear Ghost,
This is for an audience of one. I will not throw pieces of my heart at your feet again like dice. What was once tender and sweet turned into a sour and scalding thing in my chest. You do the work this time if you want any communication. Do not leave messages that only I would understand on old posts.
This is for an audience of one. I will not throw pieces of my heart at your feet again like dice. What was once tender and sweet turned into a sour and scalding thing in my chest. You do the work this time if you want any communication. Do not leave messages that only I would understand on old posts.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Aliens Are Welcome at the Vatican
Good news everyone, believing in extra-terrestrials is not inconsistent with christian beliefs!
Finally!
It's true. The Vatican's chief Astronomer and a Reverend announced this in an interview for an Italian paper recently.
In fact, he said nothing in the Bible precludes God having created other worlds and other beings to live on those worlds. He suggests that we think of them as Brothers and Sisters. Oh yeah. I'm sure the people who give dirty looks to anyone in a head scarf will think of the saucer people as friends. Something about the last 2,000 years of history leads me to think that there might be some problems for anyone showing up from another planet. I mean, come on! We can't get along with people from other parts of our world with different beliefs. Do you really think were gonna be cool with some advance race who crossed the stars only to find out that we still cling to our primitive myths while possessing the technology to kill each other in huge numbers over those beliefs?
Thank God the Vatican announced something important. You know, something that might prevent wars or allow people to not feel guilty about. At least they didn't take 400 plus years to get around to this like they did with letting Galileo off the hook. Other wise we might still be arguing about this if Aliens ever show up. And of course, if the Aliens are indeed Brothers in the same creation of our God, they will have Fish stickers on the backs of their ships. That's how will know they are friends. Right? If they are good Aliens, they will have the same beliefs.
If some super intelligent race of space-faring creatures actually decided to make themselves know to us, I think they would smile politely at the whole notion of God, the Bible and all of mans various explanations for why we are here. I think they would just listen for a while and then go, "Do you really want to know how the universes started?"
Don't tell me that wouldn't be kick ass cool!
It's a short article, but it made me think of another article I read years ago where a priest was in trouble with the Vatican for suggesting that other beings may indeed live on other worlds, but these worlds still enjoyed the fruits of paradise. Imagine that! What if the saucer people showed up, heard about what we did and then said to us, "We can't believe you ate the apple! Good luck." In fact there was a dude a few years ago who said that Aliens do experiments on us because they consider us far lesser beings for killing Christ. He based the idea that the Aliens never fell from grace in the eyes of God because when ever people talk about the "Gray's" They are always naked. Naked. You know, just like Adam and Eve.
What!?
This is the sort of logic they would be up against once they landed. If there really are Alien brothers and sisters out there in the universe, I have a feeling they talk about Earth the way most of talk about the South. Know what I mean?
In the interview, the good Rev. also said that the Bible is not a science book. Really? How many people in Kansas do you think will read that and go, OH?
Last year, the Vatican also announced that limbo was closing. Limbo was a curious place that perfectly illustrates how truly nutty the thinking of the faithful can be. Limbo was invented 700 years ago as an answer to this problem; what happens to the souls of babies who died before being baptised? They couldn't go to Heaven because they had not yet been baptised, yet they also had not hurt anyone. Limbo, Baby! It was also the place people like Mosses and Plato had to go to because they lived before Christ. That seems very unfair. Frankly, I think I might prefer to go to hell instead. Think about it. Just because you were a moral man who lived before Christ, you now have to spend eternity with babies. Shit! It's hard enough when there is just one crying on a plane let alone billions of them hanging out with me for all eternity.
Presumably, if the Aliens who died at Roswell were also Moral, they would of gone to Limbo. Imagine the Aliens surprise if they do eventually turn up and we tell them this little nugget of info. Don't you think they would just nod their big old Gray heads, go back up inside the saucer and take off. I think that is what crop circles are. They land, listen to a few of us and realize we are so not ready. Crop circles are Alien space ships spinning donuts to get out of here quickly!
Finally!
It's true. The Vatican's chief Astronomer and a Reverend announced this in an interview for an Italian paper recently.
In fact, he said nothing in the Bible precludes God having created other worlds and other beings to live on those worlds. He suggests that we think of them as Brothers and Sisters. Oh yeah. I'm sure the people who give dirty looks to anyone in a head scarf will think of the saucer people as friends. Something about the last 2,000 years of history leads me to think that there might be some problems for anyone showing up from another planet. I mean, come on! We can't get along with people from other parts of our world with different beliefs. Do you really think were gonna be cool with some advance race who crossed the stars only to find out that we still cling to our primitive myths while possessing the technology to kill each other in huge numbers over those beliefs?
Thank God the Vatican announced something important. You know, something that might prevent wars or allow people to not feel guilty about. At least they didn't take 400 plus years to get around to this like they did with letting Galileo off the hook. Other wise we might still be arguing about this if Aliens ever show up. And of course, if the Aliens are indeed Brothers in the same creation of our God, they will have Fish stickers on the backs of their ships. That's how will know they are friends. Right? If they are good Aliens, they will have the same beliefs.
If some super intelligent race of space-faring creatures actually decided to make themselves know to us, I think they would smile politely at the whole notion of God, the Bible and all of mans various explanations for why we are here. I think they would just listen for a while and then go, "Do you really want to know how the universes started?"
Don't tell me that wouldn't be kick ass cool!
It's a short article, but it made me think of another article I read years ago where a priest was in trouble with the Vatican for suggesting that other beings may indeed live on other worlds, but these worlds still enjoyed the fruits of paradise. Imagine that! What if the saucer people showed up, heard about what we did and then said to us, "We can't believe you ate the apple! Good luck." In fact there was a dude a few years ago who said that Aliens do experiments on us because they consider us far lesser beings for killing Christ. He based the idea that the Aliens never fell from grace in the eyes of God because when ever people talk about the "Gray's" They are always naked. Naked. You know, just like Adam and Eve.
What!?
This is the sort of logic they would be up against once they landed. If there really are Alien brothers and sisters out there in the universe, I have a feeling they talk about Earth the way most of talk about the South. Know what I mean?
In the interview, the good Rev. also said that the Bible is not a science book. Really? How many people in Kansas do you think will read that and go, OH?
Last year, the Vatican also announced that limbo was closing. Limbo was a curious place that perfectly illustrates how truly nutty the thinking of the faithful can be. Limbo was invented 700 years ago as an answer to this problem; what happens to the souls of babies who died before being baptised? They couldn't go to Heaven because they had not yet been baptised, yet they also had not hurt anyone. Limbo, Baby! It was also the place people like Mosses and Plato had to go to because they lived before Christ. That seems very unfair. Frankly, I think I might prefer to go to hell instead. Think about it. Just because you were a moral man who lived before Christ, you now have to spend eternity with babies. Shit! It's hard enough when there is just one crying on a plane let alone billions of them hanging out with me for all eternity.
Presumably, if the Aliens who died at Roswell were also Moral, they would of gone to Limbo. Imagine the Aliens surprise if they do eventually turn up and we tell them this little nugget of info. Don't you think they would just nod their big old Gray heads, go back up inside the saucer and take off. I think that is what crop circles are. They land, listen to a few of us and realize we are so not ready. Crop circles are Alien space ships spinning donuts to get out of here quickly!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
My Comedy Drama
Tuesday I was up in North Lake Tahoe where I turned in a hour long performance where I kept the drunks at bay and the others laughing.
Wednesday I was in my least favorite club, Tommy T's performing on the bill at a friends request where I made fun of two guys for twenty minuets by implying their worse fears; they were gay.
Thursday afternoon I did a private gig at a tech company in Sunnyvale where I mostly talked to the crowd by asking them what their Indian names meant.
Friday I was at the Clubhouse in San Francisco where five very drunk guys who apparently came to see me just yelled stupid shit and I fired back only to learn after the show that one of the guys was indeed a regular reader of my blog.
Saturday- I take a breath.
I think I have to make some creative choices tied with some marketing decisions. In all of these shows, I got the gigs for what I do best; Riffing.
Riffing is the art of working the room or talking to the crowd. You know. I can write a joke, but what I am known for is Riffing. On private and corporate gigs, no skill comes in more handy when it's not exactly what you thought it was going to be or something happens. At a club, Riffing can light up a room like nothing else. It's what I am best at and it is something I really love to do. On my site, I have clips of me riffing away on stage. The favorite seems to be the one where I brought a guy on stage who wanted to rip on me. Needless to say, it didn't work out for him the way he thought it would. People see that, come to my shows and then yell shit out so they to can be a part of it. But the thing is, I want to pick when I do that. I don't want people showing up and trying to jump in so I can go off on them. So do I take those clips down and work on more jokes, or what?
Last night at the clubhouse in San Francisco, 5 guys were falling over drunk. We had some fun going back and forth. I really want to get more of what I think out there though. Eventually, it just bugged me. After the show, true to form, they came up to me to shake my hand and say they were fans. Now when people say they are fans you think, thanks. In this case I was thinking, why do I have drunk frat boys as fans? I am everything opposed to them. Well, one of the guys was a regular reader of the blog. Damn! He quoted some things from it and told me the clip of the guy on stage with me was cool. Now I feel weird. On the one hand, this is what I want; fans! On the other hand, my own web site is encouraging the sort of behavior that is not conducive for performing well written, thought out pieces on politics and religion.
This has happened a few times now. No other moment was like this one though. These guys were so obviously fans and so drunk at the same time. I just wanted them to leave so I could go watch Battlestar Galactica. I felt strange feeling that because this is what a comic works for, a little recognition. Eventually I meet the rest of the water polo team. Yeah. Water polo team. They are that nice jovial brand of drunk at the moment too. I sorta miss that. Course, I have no illusion that me drinking is nothing like how they drink. They want me to come with them and there is nothing less that I want to do. A few other comics are hanging around enjoying the spectacle and my obvious discomfort. Crap! Only I could turn this into a poor me situation. A victim of success? I don't know. If I put Riffing out there then that is what people will want to see obviously. I can't get mad at them for that.
All in all it is a better class of problem to have than I deserve.
Wednesday I was in my least favorite club, Tommy T's performing on the bill at a friends request where I made fun of two guys for twenty minuets by implying their worse fears; they were gay.
Thursday afternoon I did a private gig at a tech company in Sunnyvale where I mostly talked to the crowd by asking them what their Indian names meant.
Friday I was at the Clubhouse in San Francisco where five very drunk guys who apparently came to see me just yelled stupid shit and I fired back only to learn after the show that one of the guys was indeed a regular reader of my blog.
Saturday- I take a breath.
I think I have to make some creative choices tied with some marketing decisions. In all of these shows, I got the gigs for what I do best; Riffing.
Riffing is the art of working the room or talking to the crowd. You know. I can write a joke, but what I am known for is Riffing. On private and corporate gigs, no skill comes in more handy when it's not exactly what you thought it was going to be or something happens. At a club, Riffing can light up a room like nothing else. It's what I am best at and it is something I really love to do. On my site, I have clips of me riffing away on stage. The favorite seems to be the one where I brought a guy on stage who wanted to rip on me. Needless to say, it didn't work out for him the way he thought it would. People see that, come to my shows and then yell shit out so they to can be a part of it. But the thing is, I want to pick when I do that. I don't want people showing up and trying to jump in so I can go off on them. So do I take those clips down and work on more jokes, or what?
Last night at the clubhouse in San Francisco, 5 guys were falling over drunk. We had some fun going back and forth. I really want to get more of what I think out there though. Eventually, it just bugged me. After the show, true to form, they came up to me to shake my hand and say they were fans. Now when people say they are fans you think, thanks. In this case I was thinking, why do I have drunk frat boys as fans? I am everything opposed to them. Well, one of the guys was a regular reader of the blog. Damn! He quoted some things from it and told me the clip of the guy on stage with me was cool. Now I feel weird. On the one hand, this is what I want; fans! On the other hand, my own web site is encouraging the sort of behavior that is not conducive for performing well written, thought out pieces on politics and religion.
This has happened a few times now. No other moment was like this one though. These guys were so obviously fans and so drunk at the same time. I just wanted them to leave so I could go watch Battlestar Galactica. I felt strange feeling that because this is what a comic works for, a little recognition. Eventually I meet the rest of the water polo team. Yeah. Water polo team. They are that nice jovial brand of drunk at the moment too. I sorta miss that. Course, I have no illusion that me drinking is nothing like how they drink. They want me to come with them and there is nothing less that I want to do. A few other comics are hanging around enjoying the spectacle and my obvious discomfort. Crap! Only I could turn this into a poor me situation. A victim of success? I don't know. If I put Riffing out there then that is what people will want to see obviously. I can't get mad at them for that.
All in all it is a better class of problem to have than I deserve.
Friday, May 16, 2008
And now...the News
I will miss George Bush when he is gone. The man is a walking punch line. A gold mine of jokes where all you have to do is just tell a crowd what he said. I feel no guilt beating up a President with a lower public approval rating than Nixon had. The man is damaged and we got fucked.
Compassionate conservative? In his latest interview he said he showed solidarity with the families of killed U.S. Troops by no longer playing golf.
Wow! What a sacrifice Mr. President! I heard for lent he gave up the Bill of Rights.
Could you possibly sound like more of an unsympathetic, out of touch rich Dude than to say giving up Golf is some how on the same scale as a person being killed? Bush is not very good when it comes to comparisons. When he went to Israel this week, he told their government that anyone who wants to sit down and talk with Israel's enemy's would be like Nazi appeasers. Robert Gates, the current Secretary of Defense that Bush appointed, must be a big let down to him then. He said only last week that we should try to talk with Iran. Besides, selling stuff to the Nazis was where ol' Grandpa Bush made most of his money.
Bush also said he is looking forward to e-mailing again once he leaves the White House. Apparently, the commander in Chief said he doesn't like people reading his e-mail. You see as President, e-mail is considered a document. It is retained and catalogued like papers. Not Bush. He doesn't like the invasion of privacy. Hmmm. Seems strange for a guy that instituted the biggest eavesdropping operation in American history to be worried about a little thing like Privacy now?
Ah Bush. I will miss you in all your retarded rambling right wing born again crazy utterances. You were bad for the Country but you were gold for this comic. Thanks for the Punch Lines and now please run along and let the adults clean up your mess.
Clinton marches on!
Why?
She has borrowed 11 million dollars from herself to continue. Obama has raised most of his money from donations of $25.00 or less over the Internet. Think about this for a second. With all the clout her name gives her and all the lobbyist money that originally flowed into her war chest, she has fallen so far short of the financial demands of running for office that she now has to continue just to pay herself back!
Even if Clinton is given 50% of the disputed delegates from Florida and Michigan, she will still be behind Obama.
She agreed and signed a pledge with the Democratic National Party to not put her name on the ballot in those two states. Then, she went ahead and did it anyway. Obama did not.
Afterwards, she said she understood those delegates would not be counted for breaking the rules and moving their primaries up early. Then, after all that she began to slip in the polls to Obama and suddenly she thinks those votes should be counted too!
If health care is her big issue, won't someone please ask her why she voted in favor of the new bankruptcy law written by the credit card companies? As a big proponent of health care for all, Clinton knows that 50% of all bankruptcies in America are a direct result of unexpected health care bills not covered by insurance.
Any country that is going to hand the highest office in the land back and forth between two families over a 20 year period is not a country that can rightfully call it's self a democracy. Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush and now Clinton again? Come on America! grow a back bone and actually vote for change for a change!
Compassionate conservative? In his latest interview he said he showed solidarity with the families of killed U.S. Troops by no longer playing golf.
Wow! What a sacrifice Mr. President! I heard for lent he gave up the Bill of Rights.
Could you possibly sound like more of an unsympathetic, out of touch rich Dude than to say giving up Golf is some how on the same scale as a person being killed? Bush is not very good when it comes to comparisons. When he went to Israel this week, he told their government that anyone who wants to sit down and talk with Israel's enemy's would be like Nazi appeasers. Robert Gates, the current Secretary of Defense that Bush appointed, must be a big let down to him then. He said only last week that we should try to talk with Iran. Besides, selling stuff to the Nazis was where ol' Grandpa Bush made most of his money.
Bush also said he is looking forward to e-mailing again once he leaves the White House. Apparently, the commander in Chief said he doesn't like people reading his e-mail. You see as President, e-mail is considered a document. It is retained and catalogued like papers. Not Bush. He doesn't like the invasion of privacy. Hmmm. Seems strange for a guy that instituted the biggest eavesdropping operation in American history to be worried about a little thing like Privacy now?
Ah Bush. I will miss you in all your retarded rambling right wing born again crazy utterances. You were bad for the Country but you were gold for this comic. Thanks for the Punch Lines and now please run along and let the adults clean up your mess.
Clinton marches on!
Why?
She has borrowed 11 million dollars from herself to continue. Obama has raised most of his money from donations of $25.00 or less over the Internet. Think about this for a second. With all the clout her name gives her and all the lobbyist money that originally flowed into her war chest, she has fallen so far short of the financial demands of running for office that she now has to continue just to pay herself back!
Even if Clinton is given 50% of the disputed delegates from Florida and Michigan, she will still be behind Obama.
She agreed and signed a pledge with the Democratic National Party to not put her name on the ballot in those two states. Then, she went ahead and did it anyway. Obama did not.
Afterwards, she said she understood those delegates would not be counted for breaking the rules and moving their primaries up early. Then, after all that she began to slip in the polls to Obama and suddenly she thinks those votes should be counted too!
If health care is her big issue, won't someone please ask her why she voted in favor of the new bankruptcy law written by the credit card companies? As a big proponent of health care for all, Clinton knows that 50% of all bankruptcies in America are a direct result of unexpected health care bills not covered by insurance.
Any country that is going to hand the highest office in the land back and forth between two families over a 20 year period is not a country that can rightfully call it's self a democracy. Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush and now Clinton again? Come on America! grow a back bone and actually vote for change for a change!
John McCain. I sorta feel sorry for the guy. Sorta. There is just no way he can be elected President. Too many people in places you would not normally think of as voting Democrat are just way too mad at what they see as the Republicans fucking everything up to vote Republican this time around. So what do the republicans hit front runner Obama over the head with? He wants to talk to the terrorists! Well, you have to admit that bombing them and 5 years of war in Iraq hasn't really accomplished anything. Why not talk?
Over and over the republicans, including McCain tell the press that Obama would sit down and talk with terrorist groups such as Hammas. There are a few problems with this starting with the fact that Obama has never said this. But you know who did? John McCain in 2006 did. Yeah. When asked if America should sit down and talk with Hammas, McCain said, sure. If they are elected. Well, guess what? Hammas won a majority of seats in Lebanon making them the democratically elected ruling party. Bush's response after an ellection was held in a middle east -something we were fighting for- "Were not going to talk with them."
So not only does McCain look like a moron now, but this is just another one of those things that the typical American has forgotten but is a huge deal to that part of the world. To them, they look at this situation and say, You wanted us to have elections, we did. Hammas won and now you decide the wrong people won. America, you are a hypocrite!
Once again, this is the situation that experience has put us in.
Last but not least. There is a lot of talk lately about Israels security and will Obama be the defender of Israel that every other president in the history of Israel has been. Well, who knows really? But I do know this. In 2006 Clinton and McCain both voted to sell Saudi Arabia 10 Billion dollars worth of advanced American military hardware. Considering that 15 of the 19 Hijackers on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Saudi Arabia fails to recognize the right of Israel to exist, I don't know that McCain cares all that much for Israel or Americas security. Why the hell would we sell them such advanced military hardware and still have to pay these rising oil prices? That's the question that people should be asking? or better yet, are we just playing both sides of the middle east? We are the defender of Israel but we sell military hardware to one of their biggest foe's. Maybe we should let Obama sit down and talk. believe me, it will cause much less destruction than those weapons have the potential to do. And who wanted the sale? George Bush & Company.
Over and over the republicans, including McCain tell the press that Obama would sit down and talk with terrorist groups such as Hammas. There are a few problems with this starting with the fact that Obama has never said this. But you know who did? John McCain in 2006 did. Yeah. When asked if America should sit down and talk with Hammas, McCain said, sure. If they are elected. Well, guess what? Hammas won a majority of seats in Lebanon making them the democratically elected ruling party. Bush's response after an ellection was held in a middle east -something we were fighting for- "Were not going to talk with them."
So not only does McCain look like a moron now, but this is just another one of those things that the typical American has forgotten but is a huge deal to that part of the world. To them, they look at this situation and say, You wanted us to have elections, we did. Hammas won and now you decide the wrong people won. America, you are a hypocrite!
Once again, this is the situation that experience has put us in.
Last but not least. There is a lot of talk lately about Israels security and will Obama be the defender of Israel that every other president in the history of Israel has been. Well, who knows really? But I do know this. In 2006 Clinton and McCain both voted to sell Saudi Arabia 10 Billion dollars worth of advanced American military hardware. Considering that 15 of the 19 Hijackers on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Saudi Arabia fails to recognize the right of Israel to exist, I don't know that McCain cares all that much for Israel or Americas security. Why the hell would we sell them such advanced military hardware and still have to pay these rising oil prices? That's the question that people should be asking? or better yet, are we just playing both sides of the middle east? We are the defender of Israel but we sell military hardware to one of their biggest foe's. Maybe we should let Obama sit down and talk. believe me, it will cause much less destruction than those weapons have the potential to do. And who wanted the sale? George Bush & Company.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Winchester Mystery Life
I went to the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose this weekend with two friends. You ever been? Apparently old lady Winchester was told by a spiritualist to move out west and never stop building a house. This would be the only way to appease all the spirits killed by her husbands invention, the Winchester Repeating Riffle. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, that's what she did.
Crazy!
Stairs lead to no where, cupboards open onto walls, windows over look bathrooms, it's all kinds of fun. With stuff just haphazardly added on to the house and stuff going off in all directions, I feel as if I am leading the Winchester Mystery Life. Course, no one told me to move out west and perform comedy to appease the spirits of all the jokes that died, but that's what it feels like some days.
Oh, and old lady Winchester was crazy rich. I am pour. There will be no tour of my apartment when I pass on. Well, there might be, but I doubt the gift shop will be have anything anyone will want to buy.
If life is one big tour. Maybe we don't end up in Heaven at all. Maybe we just end up in some vast gift shop. That would be a surprise no one saw coming!
I lived on earth and all I got was this T-shirt.
Mugs with a photo of your most embarrassing moment on it. Yup, that's Mom opening the bathroom door catching me masturbating! Giant size pencils and posters with Kittens and glib sayings. You have to have those. Every gift shop I have ever been in has those for some reason. You know what I mean. A kitten hanging off a branch and the words, Hang In there at the bottom. At the Winchester gift shop, they had a strange collection of posters that included Scarface. Yeah. Scarface!
"What did you kids get to remember your tour of the Mystery House?"
"A poster of Scarface on a one hundred dollar bill!"
And of course, no gift shop would be complete without the machine that stretches a penny into some oblong shape for 50 cents. Instead of an emblem of the Mystery House stamped in it, it would just be a your name and the date you left Earth. How about this for a poster in life's gift shop; a map of the Earth with a dot on your home and at the bottom of the map it would say, you were here. That would be a very popular item I think. You could hang it in the bed room of whatever next existence there is. If there are bedrooms. Who knows.
It will probably just be like most tours that end in a gift shop. You will walk into it, stroll around for a few minuets and think, what a bunch of crap! Frankly, that's what I say about life most days now. When I was a kid and I would walk around a gift shop I would only be upset if I couldn't find a license plate with my name on it.
That's all ghosts and hauntings are; people taking a tour of their previous life. I can totally see that! Their not knocking things over to communicate with the living. There picking stuff up in the gift shop, realizing it's crap and throwing it back down.
Crazy!
Stairs lead to no where, cupboards open onto walls, windows over look bathrooms, it's all kinds of fun. With stuff just haphazardly added on to the house and stuff going off in all directions, I feel as if I am leading the Winchester Mystery Life. Course, no one told me to move out west and perform comedy to appease the spirits of all the jokes that died, but that's what it feels like some days.
Oh, and old lady Winchester was crazy rich. I am pour. There will be no tour of my apartment when I pass on. Well, there might be, but I doubt the gift shop will be have anything anyone will want to buy.
If life is one big tour. Maybe we don't end up in Heaven at all. Maybe we just end up in some vast gift shop. That would be a surprise no one saw coming!
I lived on earth and all I got was this T-shirt.
Mugs with a photo of your most embarrassing moment on it. Yup, that's Mom opening the bathroom door catching me masturbating! Giant size pencils and posters with Kittens and glib sayings. You have to have those. Every gift shop I have ever been in has those for some reason. You know what I mean. A kitten hanging off a branch and the words, Hang In there at the bottom. At the Winchester gift shop, they had a strange collection of posters that included Scarface. Yeah. Scarface!
"What did you kids get to remember your tour of the Mystery House?"
"A poster of Scarface on a one hundred dollar bill!"
And of course, no gift shop would be complete without the machine that stretches a penny into some oblong shape for 50 cents. Instead of an emblem of the Mystery House stamped in it, it would just be a your name and the date you left Earth. How about this for a poster in life's gift shop; a map of the Earth with a dot on your home and at the bottom of the map it would say, you were here. That would be a very popular item I think. You could hang it in the bed room of whatever next existence there is. If there are bedrooms. Who knows.
It will probably just be like most tours that end in a gift shop. You will walk into it, stroll around for a few minuets and think, what a bunch of crap! Frankly, that's what I say about life most days now. When I was a kid and I would walk around a gift shop I would only be upset if I couldn't find a license plate with my name on it.
That's all ghosts and hauntings are; people taking a tour of their previous life. I can totally see that! Their not knocking things over to communicate with the living. There picking stuff up in the gift shop, realizing it's crap and throwing it back down.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Mothers Day
Mothers Day.
Mom and I don't talk much anymore. Not since the 12 hour drive from Walnut Creek, CA to Henderson, NV. That was about a year ago. I know, it's sad and it has more to do with each of us holding onto the idea of who owes who an apology. Course, this has gone on as long as I can remember. Sure, I could call and say hello, I love you and happy mothers day. I probably will too. But under the surface remains the tension. We just don't understand each other.
Years ago, my Mother surprised me and asked me why I resented her so much. I sat there in silence for a moment thinking that to answer would be to invite yet another battle of yelling and passive aggressive black belt moves from her. I told her maybe someday I would explain it and I left it at that.
Like a lot of Mothers, I hear about shit I did as a kid. You know, in the middle of an argument or the middle of lunch.
As a kid.
It is thrown in my face at the oddest times and for no reason connected to logic that I can see. So, I return the favor. I point out stuff that was done while they raised me. I get the same answer from Mom every time, "We did the best we could."
Why do I resent you so much Mom? I resent you because when I point out your mistakes you always answer with, we did the best we could.
You point out mine mistakes and say how you are disappointed in me.
The difference?
I was a child and you were an adult.
You don't think I was doing the best I could as a kid? You were the adult.
It has always annoyed me when I hear people blaming their parents for shit going wrong in their lives. I am not saying that they are responsible for my issues, but their, we did our best, translates into me as an adult. Moms idea of doing the best she could was to pray and pray and pray. People wonder why I have issues with religion, it was Moms drug of choice. Any questions I had about anything got the same answer, ask God. Pray.
As a result, I don't think I ever really got to know mom. Every thing had religion attached to it. That, and I am so tired of hearing about the mistakes I made as a kid.
Happy Mothers day?
Mom and I don't talk much anymore. Not since the 12 hour drive from Walnut Creek, CA to Henderson, NV. That was about a year ago. I know, it's sad and it has more to do with each of us holding onto the idea of who owes who an apology. Course, this has gone on as long as I can remember. Sure, I could call and say hello, I love you and happy mothers day. I probably will too. But under the surface remains the tension. We just don't understand each other.
Years ago, my Mother surprised me and asked me why I resented her so much. I sat there in silence for a moment thinking that to answer would be to invite yet another battle of yelling and passive aggressive black belt moves from her. I told her maybe someday I would explain it and I left it at that.
Like a lot of Mothers, I hear about shit I did as a kid. You know, in the middle of an argument or the middle of lunch.
As a kid.
It is thrown in my face at the oddest times and for no reason connected to logic that I can see. So, I return the favor. I point out stuff that was done while they raised me. I get the same answer from Mom every time, "We did the best we could."
Why do I resent you so much Mom? I resent you because when I point out your mistakes you always answer with, we did the best we could.
You point out mine mistakes and say how you are disappointed in me.
The difference?
I was a child and you were an adult.
You don't think I was doing the best I could as a kid? You were the adult.
It has always annoyed me when I hear people blaming their parents for shit going wrong in their lives. I am not saying that they are responsible for my issues, but their, we did our best, translates into me as an adult. Moms idea of doing the best she could was to pray and pray and pray. People wonder why I have issues with religion, it was Moms drug of choice. Any questions I had about anything got the same answer, ask God. Pray.
As a result, I don't think I ever really got to know mom. Every thing had religion attached to it. That, and I am so tired of hearing about the mistakes I made as a kid.
Happy Mothers day?
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Now back to your regularly scheduled pessimism.
Myanmar has suffered a natural disaster where 100,000 people are dead. Yahoo finds it is just as important for me to know that Clay Akins might have made the boldest change in his look yet. Such is news these days. Every thing is presented as spectacle, not information. Every thing is equal. 100,000 people dead, a former American Idol gets a new hair cut. I am waiting for the next crazy preacher to tell us exactly what it was the people of Myanmar did wrong to get such a punishing natural disaster. Isn't that how God works? Gays wanted to have a parade in New Orleans, Hurricane strike kills mostly black people in the lower Ninth ward where almost no gay people live. Seems like God has poor aim when he sends these things. That's ironic, considering how many of his followers seem to love their guns and pride themselves on their aim.
Oh well.
A few posts ago, a comment was left asking if I cross reference the news. I suppose I do. I am fascinated in the way we are presented stories. Right now, mentioning Obama in the news automatically leads to questions about Rev. Wright. If you look at any of the news from the BBC or articles written in the Canadian press, the only time they mention Rev. Wright is to ask what is the American obsession with creating a story rather than covering events? Other counties press have pointed out that all the candidates have been backed by various Ministers who have said some highly questionable things in their past too. Why highlight Obamas pastor? He was just his pastor, not a consultant to anyone in the White House as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson have been. There is no big deal here accept that the press keeps saying it is a big deal.
Somewhere in the late 70's the networks decided to make the news just another product in it's line of TV entertainment. The simplest way was to let opinions be mentioned about the events they were covering. Now, that's all we have. No one is reporting on an event, they are all giving us their opinion of the event. Believe it or not, a news story might not fit comfortably in to the black and white of CNN or FOX. Why just cover the news when you can have people yell over each other? You might not leave informed, but it makes the powers that be a lot more money than just stating statistics and showing footage of disasters.
Truth is now spin.
Most people under the age of 30 get their news from the Daily show, a TV news parody show on a Comedy Network.
Polls dictate policy. No politician can actually say what they think without first checking to see what a percentage of people also think.
Money is not just power, but the ability to present the message of choice to the most people from the best media outlet. Everyone is equal, but when it comes to the first amendment and getting your message out there, some are more equal than others.
Rome had nothing on us!
Rome had outrageous public events in it's coliseum, and we have reality TV shows.
Rome fought wars in distant lands for riches and resources, we occupy Iraq and Afghanistan for Oil.
Rome rotted from within, crushed under the weight of bureaucracy and spread thin across it's empire until barbarian tribes with little more than clubs invaded and destroyed it.
We have Fox news.
There will never be a single planet wide disaster that you see in the movies or a revolt in the streets that your grandchildren will be able to point to and say, that's when it happened. Instead, we are like the frog in the pot of water slowly being brought to a boil. By the time Global warming, pollution, disease, loss of rights we took for granted and poverty catch up to us, we will just be starting to experience those first few pangs of anxiety that something really is wrong. The first thing we need to do to avoid that is to start thinking for ourselves and stop letting the Media tell you what is important and what to think about a topic. If you are wondering what the dander is in just blindly listening to what is coming out of the TV, all you have to do is look at the war with Iraq and the way the supposedly objective media became little more than a propaganda tool for the White House. Just recently the Pentagon suspended it's program of sharing secret information with military annalists employed by the media. You know those retired Generals and experts at all things war related? They were being given private briefings and essentially being told what to say. Their mission; paint a rosy picture of what is happening in Iraq. The media, whose job it is to be on the look out for just such an abuse, allowed it to go on unchecked for 7 years until the New York Times finally had the balls to print what it knew to be true for more than a year. Do you know what we call it when the state works with the corporations to strengthen each? The word is fascism. Fascists are just like you and me. They just think that a strong leader and cooperate rights are more important than individuals. other than that, they are just like us. By any definition, America has become a fascist state obsessed more about maintaining it's role as the only super power than advancing the agenda of human rights. How is this accomplished? Not with tanks in the streets or secret police, but the use of consumer choice falling like an avalanche over the human spirit. Everything has become a product, just like the news. Now that everything has a monetary value, no one has any values other than I got mine, now you get yours. It is the message that pervades every commercial and the message that keeps us from forming any true bonds to oppose the message. In the information age with the next big blockbuster coming soon, we have all traded the space inside our heads for a ticket to the next big thing, the new car, the louder game, the promise of a solution to the emptiness inside us we let the next pop song put into words because we no longer can.
100,000 people dead. Killed in one night in one storm. But the top story today was, falling
consumer confidence raises fears on Wall Street. This is the world we live in. Information has been replaced with speculation. Speculation is the system we have that sets the price. As our money shrinks in value, we turn to the next thing in an attempt to buy our way out of the wasteland the news shows us. Not one of abandoned huts and mud covered bodies, but of strip malls and asphalt parking lots backing in the sun. We have been bought off one by one with the belief that getting rich is the greatest reward simply because you can buy the best stuff. Instead of retired generals to explain the latest mess in Iraq to us, or reporters embedded with troops in the far corners of our crumbling empire, we should embed reporters in the peace movement and have spiritual healers on the news to break down events at protests.
Just a thought. Now back to your regularly scheduled pessimism.
Oh well.
A few posts ago, a comment was left asking if I cross reference the news. I suppose I do. I am fascinated in the way we are presented stories. Right now, mentioning Obama in the news automatically leads to questions about Rev. Wright. If you look at any of the news from the BBC or articles written in the Canadian press, the only time they mention Rev. Wright is to ask what is the American obsession with creating a story rather than covering events? Other counties press have pointed out that all the candidates have been backed by various Ministers who have said some highly questionable things in their past too. Why highlight Obamas pastor? He was just his pastor, not a consultant to anyone in the White House as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson have been. There is no big deal here accept that the press keeps saying it is a big deal.
Somewhere in the late 70's the networks decided to make the news just another product in it's line of TV entertainment. The simplest way was to let opinions be mentioned about the events they were covering. Now, that's all we have. No one is reporting on an event, they are all giving us their opinion of the event. Believe it or not, a news story might not fit comfortably in to the black and white of CNN or FOX. Why just cover the news when you can have people yell over each other? You might not leave informed, but it makes the powers that be a lot more money than just stating statistics and showing footage of disasters.
Truth is now spin.
Most people under the age of 30 get their news from the Daily show, a TV news parody show on a Comedy Network.
Polls dictate policy. No politician can actually say what they think without first checking to see what a percentage of people also think.
Money is not just power, but the ability to present the message of choice to the most people from the best media outlet. Everyone is equal, but when it comes to the first amendment and getting your message out there, some are more equal than others.
Rome had nothing on us!
Rome had outrageous public events in it's coliseum, and we have reality TV shows.
Rome fought wars in distant lands for riches and resources, we occupy Iraq and Afghanistan for Oil.
Rome rotted from within, crushed under the weight of bureaucracy and spread thin across it's empire until barbarian tribes with little more than clubs invaded and destroyed it.
We have Fox news.
There will never be a single planet wide disaster that you see in the movies or a revolt in the streets that your grandchildren will be able to point to and say, that's when it happened. Instead, we are like the frog in the pot of water slowly being brought to a boil. By the time Global warming, pollution, disease, loss of rights we took for granted and poverty catch up to us, we will just be starting to experience those first few pangs of anxiety that something really is wrong. The first thing we need to do to avoid that is to start thinking for ourselves and stop letting the Media tell you what is important and what to think about a topic. If you are wondering what the dander is in just blindly listening to what is coming out of the TV, all you have to do is look at the war with Iraq and the way the supposedly objective media became little more than a propaganda tool for the White House. Just recently the Pentagon suspended it's program of sharing secret information with military annalists employed by the media. You know those retired Generals and experts at all things war related? They were being given private briefings and essentially being told what to say. Their mission; paint a rosy picture of what is happening in Iraq. The media, whose job it is to be on the look out for just such an abuse, allowed it to go on unchecked for 7 years until the New York Times finally had the balls to print what it knew to be true for more than a year. Do you know what we call it when the state works with the corporations to strengthen each? The word is fascism. Fascists are just like you and me. They just think that a strong leader and cooperate rights are more important than individuals. other than that, they are just like us. By any definition, America has become a fascist state obsessed more about maintaining it's role as the only super power than advancing the agenda of human rights. How is this accomplished? Not with tanks in the streets or secret police, but the use of consumer choice falling like an avalanche over the human spirit. Everything has become a product, just like the news. Now that everything has a monetary value, no one has any values other than I got mine, now you get yours. It is the message that pervades every commercial and the message that keeps us from forming any true bonds to oppose the message. In the information age with the next big blockbuster coming soon, we have all traded the space inside our heads for a ticket to the next big thing, the new car, the louder game, the promise of a solution to the emptiness inside us we let the next pop song put into words because we no longer can.
100,000 people dead. Killed in one night in one storm. But the top story today was, falling
consumer confidence raises fears on Wall Street. This is the world we live in. Information has been replaced with speculation. Speculation is the system we have that sets the price. As our money shrinks in value, we turn to the next thing in an attempt to buy our way out of the wasteland the news shows us. Not one of abandoned huts and mud covered bodies, but of strip malls and asphalt parking lots backing in the sun. We have been bought off one by one with the belief that getting rich is the greatest reward simply because you can buy the best stuff. Instead of retired generals to explain the latest mess in Iraq to us, or reporters embedded with troops in the far corners of our crumbling empire, we should embed reporters in the peace movement and have spiritual healers on the news to break down events at protests.
Just a thought. Now back to your regularly scheduled pessimism.
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